Up up up.

That's what my weight is doing once again, and it's disheartening. The less active lifestyle and access to easy snack foods that I find in my US home have not been helping me at all. Not one iota. And I'm so... bored/lonely lately that I find myself eating. And even WHILE I eat, I know that what I'm eating will not satisfy me.

It's not like going over my calories is a big deal. Until I look back, and see that I ate 3,700 today. And yesterday, I ate 2800. And the day before that, 3,200. When I look at these facts, it's not hard to understand why I weigh 312 pounds. And when I look back and see that today is the only day I've exercised, it's even less difficult.

My eating habits are clearly skewed. My nephew asked me last night if I was weighing my food because I was on a diet, and I wanted to cry. I don't want my nephews to think that over-eating a lot is ok, but I also don't want them to think that it's not ok to weigh your food if you are normal. So I explained that part of the reason I was overweight was because I don't know how to calculate my portions without eyeing the food, and that a lot of obese people have that problem. My sister jumped in and said that a lot of skinny people didn't, either.

But I'm not sure that's true. I would venture to say that most people at a healthy body weight don't measure their food because in the vast majority of cases, they are not eating 3,700 calories.

And it's not like I can even say over eating makes me happy, because it doesn't. It's just what I do.

I may never be a size 2, but I can be a healthier me. I took two walks, and I've done as well as I can do for today. Tomorrow is a new day.

Sunday Start

I woke up this morning, and decided that today, I would exercise thirty minutes and track my food. So far, I've tracked my food, and I've been cleaning. So the thirty minutes will come, and that will be that.

I weighed in at 310 today. My goal is to exercise 5/7 days this week for a half hour, and eat within my calorie ranges 6/7 days. Neither Sunday nor Monday may be the days that I go over on my calories.

Time to get to work.

Back from Costa Rica

And back to working out, and logging my food.

I was pleasantly surprised when I came back and weighed in at 305 pounds. When I left, I was in the 320's. Clearly, that's not a huge loss, but considering I rarely counted calories, but rather just ate at proscribed meal times and worked out once in a while, not a bad deal at all.

I've been looking for different ways to exercise on the cheap or free, and I found this site-- www.exercisetv.tv It offers free, full-length streaming videos. My major complaint, though, is that I've done two of the workouts, and each time I felt like I was being talked at by an ADHD cheerleader. "Ok, be sassy, oh yeah, be sassy." Thank you, Cardio Teaser... The moves aren't explained well. Maybe I'm just used to higher caliber-- Beach Body programs, Jillian Michaels, and Sparkpeople.com all offer better explanation, and Beach Body talks more to you than at you.

Lost 1 pound this week. Woot woot. Puts me at 304. I may get out of the three hundreds pretty damn soon.

Dancing

I went to salsa/merengue dance class last semester, and at the last one for the semester, we were practicing turns. Turns are hard for me; I'm not fast. At the end of class, my dance teacher took me aside.

"The reason," she started, "that you have problems with turns is because, well, you are carrying some extra weight. You are fat."

I tried not to be offended. Because clearly, I know this by now. I mean, I always have been. So I glued a smile on and nodded.

"Are you fat because you like to eat? Or you don't like exercise?"

A million excuses came to my tongue. I didn't let any of them escape. Instead, I stated simply that yes, it's because I like to eat. Because it's true.

I like to eat when I'm hungry. I like to eat when I'm not. I like to eat when I'm bored, sad, watching movies, reading a book... I didn't tell her that, though. She nodded, considering this.

"Well, I can tell that you are active," she said. "To be honest, when you first came, I thought you wouldn't be able to dance. But you have, hmmm... You have good rhythm, and you can move! I was surprised."

Head down, posture poor, I simply nodded. And vowed never to return. Ha ha.

How melodramatic I am. And what a little liar, too. I totally went back. It's not her fault that I'm fat, and my not going isn't going to improve my health. The lasts time I went, we were dancing together, and she was making me turn.

"I don't know if it's because you have extra weight," she started, and I groaned. I did not want to have this conversation again. "Or if it's because your timing is off. And yes, it would be very easy for you to say 'I can't turn because I'm fat' but," she stopped speaking to slap my hip, reminding me to shuffle, "we all have our challenges. I think fat people can dance the best because you have all those curves. I, on the other hand, with my stick figure, have to really exaggerate every movement I make."

I thought about it for the next two turns, and made an effort to make my steps a little smaller. Lo and behold, it worked, and I could turn at the appropriate time. She was so excited that she made me spin until I thought I would vomit.

So. I'm fat, and apparently that's not a good enough excuse any more. Something to think on.

Tracking Calories

While in a foreign country, tracking calories on an American based website can be a smidge difficult. I'm going to do my best to start doing so regularly, though.

I did so today, and I'm pleasantly surprised that my meals seem to be well-balanced and nutritious. Which is really surprising, considering the amount of butter they put in the food here. But I learned today that Rosa uses light cheese, and our cereal is all low-fat, reduced-sugar and all that jazz. Pretty neat.

I will say that I am often surprised by the foods I find in the tracker. I would never have thought that I could find chorizo to add to my daily foods, but yup. There it is. And chorizo is delicious... Especially when grilled with pineapple. Mmm.

Four Week Challenge

I have four more weeks in Costa Rica, and I have no classes in the morning. So there is really no reason I can't do something... you know... fitness-y.

So, starting Sunday, my goal is to do one video from the "Sparkpeople New YOU Bootcamp" series every day for the four weeks. With the exception of three days in Bocas del Toro, where I will find a suitable replacement.

I've learned that I have to exercise in the morning, because if I don't do it then, I won't do it period. It's a sad fact, but true.

One Month In

The month of January I followed the Sparkpeople Bootcamp. And not all that well, either, if you must know.

Mondays, Tuesdays were pretty consistent. Sometimes, I'd throw in a Wednesday. Thursdays and Fridays were sketchy, but occasional. Saturdays and Sundays didn't exist. Sad panda.

But regardless of that, I still feel pretty happy with the results. This month, my goal is to increase consistency with a different bootcamp program they have. I'm pretty excited. The general goal for the next two months is to get up to exercising every day.

As Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother would say: It's possible.