You are a strong, capable, wonderful person. You have decided to become more healthy, more fit. While your weight plays a part of that, it is not the only part of it.
If, starting today, nobody's BMI were capable of changing-- what would you do differently? What would you STOP waiting to do? Would you still change your diet? Your exercise patterns? If you were always going to wear the same size jeans, would you learn to love yourself as you are and take better care of your body?
Weight loss shouldn't be the end goal. It should be the means to the end. So congratulate yourself on eating vegetables instead of chips. Take that dance class. Wear a bathing suit when you go to the beach. Stop: covering yourself up; putting yourself down; putting yourself off; comparing yourself to others; waiting until you are the perfect weight.
You are unique, talented, creative, and full of possibilities. You should let yourself shine, regardless of your body hang ups. Go get 'em, tiger. Rawr. ;)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
The many (borrowed) hats of Val
I made a post back in the winter semester about my night out with my roomie and the amazing game of hats I had. (I say amazing because the SHEER AMOUNT of hats I wore that night.) I was just going through my camera, and I realized that while the hat game is silly, it makes me smile. Why? Well, don't we all enjoy knowing that if we ASK for something, someone will respond and give it to us? I do. Sooo! Here we go.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Best Weight Loss Jump Start
If you've ever considered losing weight, I would highly recommend you work at a camp. Three meals you don't get to choose-- some of which you won't like and there may not be alternatives-- and constant walking will help zap the weight right off you.
I'm not sure how much I lost, but I'm fairly certain I've lost some. The real trick is-- how to keep it going? I've been stationary since camp has ended. I had a lot of sleep to catch up on! But I finally worked out again yesterday, and will do so again shortly.
I'm really impressed with the amount I worked out while I was at camp. Going to bed after midnight, waking up before seven, being active all day... And I still managed to work out for twenty seven days in a row. That's pretty rad.
Before I go, I want to share something that I think is really neat with you. At the start of my summer, I walked to the library. It is, I can safely say, a definite workout. I was having sort of a blah day, but when I came out of a bathroom stall I found a post it note on the bathroom mirror. It said "You are awesome!" It really perked my day up, and I found out it was part of "Operation Beautiful." http://operationbeautiful.com/ I think this is a spectacular cause, and I'd like to see some of these post its floating around wherever I go. Let's make it happen, yeah?
I'm not sure how much I lost, but I'm fairly certain I've lost some. The real trick is-- how to keep it going? I've been stationary since camp has ended. I had a lot of sleep to catch up on! But I finally worked out again yesterday, and will do so again shortly.
I'm really impressed with the amount I worked out while I was at camp. Going to bed after midnight, waking up before seven, being active all day... And I still managed to work out for twenty seven days in a row. That's pretty rad.
Before I go, I want to share something that I think is really neat with you. At the start of my summer, I walked to the library. It is, I can safely say, a definite workout. I was having sort of a blah day, but when I came out of a bathroom stall I found a post it note on the bathroom mirror. It said "You are awesome!" It really perked my day up, and I found out it was part of "Operation Beautiful." http://operationbeautiful.com/ I think this is a spectacular cause, and I'd like to see some of these post its floating around wherever I go. Let's make it happen, yeah?
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thirteen Days!
I have now worked out for ten minutes for thirteen days in a row.
I do feel, however, that today thirteen is an unlucky number. For it is on the thirteenth day of working out that I have to go to my father's memorial service.
It's difficult to do self care when you are grieving. Just to let you know.
I do feel, however, that today thirteen is an unlucky number. For it is on the thirteenth day of working out that I have to go to my father's memorial service.
It's difficult to do self care when you are grieving. Just to let you know.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Back in the Groove
Hey hey. Guess who did Zumba today? That's right-- this girl.
I also managed to eat an appropriate amount of calories. Life is good.
I can tell that it's been a long time since I've treated myself in a healthy manner. I was DYING during Zumba, and staggering like a drunk on my way home. I found myself hating the instructor as she bobbed her head around, smiling the whole time.
Silly woman.
The more I go to the Laura Armenta Dance Studio (which is where I do my Zumba) the more I love it. If you're ever in the GR area, you should check it out. The instructors are friendly, and Laura herself has a very warm, welcoming demeanor. The best part (for those of us who are broke) is that several of their classes are offered on a "By Donation" basis. Suggested donation is $5, but they don't give you a hard time if you can't pay that much. http://www.lauraarmenta.com/home.html
It felt good to exercise again. Good stuff.
I also managed to eat an appropriate amount of calories. Life is good.
I can tell that it's been a long time since I've treated myself in a healthy manner. I was DYING during Zumba, and staggering like a drunk on my way home. I found myself hating the instructor as she bobbed her head around, smiling the whole time.
Silly woman.
The more I go to the Laura Armenta Dance Studio (which is where I do my Zumba) the more I love it. If you're ever in the GR area, you should check it out. The instructors are friendly, and Laura herself has a very warm, welcoming demeanor. The best part (for those of us who are broke) is that several of their classes are offered on a "By Donation" basis. Suggested donation is $5, but they don't give you a hard time if you can't pay that much. http://www.lauraarmenta.com/home.html
It felt good to exercise again. Good stuff.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Lazy Summer (sort of) Days
I'm procrastinating currently. I need to take a shower, but I have missed blogging. I thought about deleting this blog, because obviously, I was ineffectual throughout the past semester. But really, that's no way to share my eventual progress with you fine folks, is it?
Super exciting news: There's a place within walking distance that offers Zumba. Best part? It's by donation. So thank you, Laura Armenta Studios, for giving me a REASON to walk two miles a couple times a week. Because I will so do that.
I went last week. A mile is a really long walk. I'd forgotten that in my week of laziness. And today, I've been munching on fresh fruit all day. It's good stuff. I'm sure my digestive tract will make me regret it soon.
Aside from Zumbaing, it's really hard to get motivated to workout. In part, I dislike exercising when people watch me. And my sister's friend, who is currently staying here, never leaves. I think I'm just going to have to get over my aversion. It's not like I'm shy in every area of my life, so ... I'll need to work on it.
Hope your break-- if you have one-- is going well.
Super exciting news: There's a place within walking distance that offers Zumba. Best part? It's by donation. So thank you, Laura Armenta Studios, for giving me a REASON to walk two miles a couple times a week. Because I will so do that.
I went last week. A mile is a really long walk. I'd forgotten that in my week of laziness. And today, I've been munching on fresh fruit all day. It's good stuff. I'm sure my digestive tract will make me regret it soon.
Aside from Zumbaing, it's really hard to get motivated to workout. In part, I dislike exercising when people watch me. And my sister's friend, who is currently staying here, never leaves. I think I'm just going to have to get over my aversion. It's not like I'm shy in every area of my life, so ... I'll need to work on it.
Hope your break-- if you have one-- is going well.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Healthy Lifestyle vs. Diet
If I want to incorporate healthy eating into my diet, I have to do it daily.
You'd think this would be self evident, but no. This entire week, I said "Tomorrow."
So, tonight I was supposed to go out to Vango's. I was tempted to say "tomorrow" and give into the lure of waffle fries. Instead...
I planned to go out to eat. And I managed to stay within my calories for today. Barely, but still. I was pretty pumped. It feels good to be back within my parameters.
You'd think this would be self evident, but no. This entire week, I said "Tomorrow."
So, tonight I was supposed to go out to Vango's. I was tempted to say "tomorrow" and give into the lure of waffle fries. Instead...
I planned to go out to eat. And I managed to stay within my calories for today. Barely, but still. I was pretty pumped. It feels good to be back within my parameters.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Weight and Study Abroad
In choosing a study abroad destination, I opted to stay away from Asian countries. Why? I was concerned that I would be discriminated against due to my weight.
I ended up choosing Costa Rica. I still have no idea how Costa Ricans view obesity, so tonight I thought that I would do a google search. It's pretty damn difficult to find that out, to be perfectly honest. What was NOT difficult to figure out was how the USA feels about obesity.
Having lived in the USA, I know how I feel in certain circumstances and locations. But I don't kno our official stance on it as a country. When I typed in "views on obesity in the USA," I was amazed at how hateful some people can be. One Jill Elaine Hughes even went so far as to say that "Fat people are destroying America."
I disagree. Fat people are too lazy to destroy anything.
Obviously I'm being flippant. But seriously! Not okay!
Some people in the USA really, truly HATE obese people. But that hasn't detracted from my life overall.
So I guess that it doesn't really matter if I'm fat when I study abroad. It surely can't be worse than being fat in the US. Which may sound like, awful? But it's actually pretty comforting.
I ended up choosing Costa Rica. I still have no idea how Costa Ricans view obesity, so tonight I thought that I would do a google search. It's pretty damn difficult to find that out, to be perfectly honest. What was NOT difficult to figure out was how the USA feels about obesity.
Having lived in the USA, I know how I feel in certain circumstances and locations. But I don't kno our official stance on it as a country. When I typed in "views on obesity in the USA," I was amazed at how hateful some people can be. One Jill Elaine Hughes even went so far as to say that "Fat people are destroying America."
I disagree. Fat people are too lazy to destroy anything.
Obviously I'm being flippant. But seriously! Not okay!
Some people in the USA really, truly HATE obese people. But that hasn't detracted from my life overall.
So I guess that it doesn't really matter if I'm fat when I study abroad. It surely can't be worse than being fat in the US. Which may sound like, awful? But it's actually pretty comforting.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Man's Greatest Glory
Is not in never falling, but in rising every time he falls. ~Confucius
As we did our self critiques, it occurred to me that the main reason I started this blog was so that this semester I would focus on my health. It's been an interesting journey.
Last year, I left school at around 330. I went to camp and lost about twenty pounds. Today, I weighed in at 324.
As hard as it is to say, my mission thus far has been met with das fail.
But it's something that needs to be said. Every day that I've said "Gosh, it's just one day" is a day I could have been doing something productive. We've only got two weeks of this project, yeah, but that doesn't mean I've only got two weeks to lose weight.
I keep waiting for the convenient time to lose weight. I look back over this semester, and it occurs to me there is no such thing. So, I'm going to wrap up this post, and go exercise for 15 minutes.
As we did our self critiques, it occurred to me that the main reason I started this blog was so that this semester I would focus on my health. It's been an interesting journey.
Last year, I left school at around 330. I went to camp and lost about twenty pounds. Today, I weighed in at 324.
As hard as it is to say, my mission thus far has been met with das fail.
But it's something that needs to be said. Every day that I've said "Gosh, it's just one day" is a day I could have been doing something productive. We've only got two weeks of this project, yeah, but that doesn't mean I've only got two weeks to lose weight.
I keep waiting for the convenient time to lose weight. I look back over this semester, and it occurs to me there is no such thing. So, I'm going to wrap up this post, and go exercise for 15 minutes.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Obesity and Traveling
I love to travel. The thrill of going somewhere new is amazing. Unfortunately, since gaining my last twenty pounds, the process of traveling itself evokes anxiety and frustration.
There are the obvious hindrances. I'm uncomfortable in the seats. I need a seat belt extension. I eat a lot when I travel. No news there.
But it also occurs to me that packing is made more difficult by my plus size. There's no way I'm getting more than two pairs of size 26 jeans and three t-shirts in a carry-on. I could get a lot more clothing in if I were, say, a size 12.
Just sayin'. Something to think about and work towards.
By the way... Smile. You're wonderful. :)
There are the obvious hindrances. I'm uncomfortable in the seats. I need a seat belt extension. I eat a lot when I travel. No news there.
But it also occurs to me that packing is made more difficult by my plus size. There's no way I'm getting more than two pairs of size 26 jeans and three t-shirts in a carry-on. I could get a lot more clothing in if I were, say, a size 12.
Just sayin'. Something to think about and work towards.
By the way... Smile. You're wonderful. :)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Roadtrips are baaaad.
I have run into my first MAJOR weekend of having issues. I am starting this week feeling somewhat disheartened.
This weekend was sneaky. It started with a road trip. Let's be honest, folks-- sitting in a car for eight hours with a steady supply of KitKats and Mounds will NEVER end well. Because I had the mini candy bars, it was even worse.
"Mmm. That mini KitKat was delicious! But I only had one, so it's totally okay if I have one more... and one more..."
And of course, me being me, I didn't write it down. I just know that when the trip ended, sixteen mini candy bars were gone. Granted, my friends ate some. But even if I only ate half... that's a lot of junk! Add onto that fast food when we wanted a "real meal" and you can see how this weekend started.
The middle of the weekend was full of beer-- lots of beer-- and restaurant food. Hefty portions, too. Went to this microbrewery/deli called Founders. It was... sort of delicious. The beer was excellent. However, I vastly overestimated my ability to handle spiciness, and ordered this thing called a Devil Dancer. Roasted chicken, chipotle mayo, chipotle peppers, jalapenos, pepperjack cheese, and banana peppers.
The first bite was quite lovely. Unfortunately, I couldn't taste anything for the rest of the day AFTER the first bite. It became more bearable once I scraped off the chipotle and jalapeno peppers. The damage had been done, though. I left with burning fingertips, a tongue that could rival a Michigan side street in potholes, and a tummy ache. Next time: No chipotle. The bread was FANTASTIC, though.
Anyways. I'm back on today. Started my morning with a workout, ate a healthy breakfast, and all that fun stuff. I can't WAIT to make some Greek Quinoa with Avocado tonight. My body is all like "Nutrients pleeeeease!"
As an ending note... I have Cerise Cherry beer from Founders. It needs to be consumed by tonight. If you'd like some, please let me know! It's really tasty. I just can't drink any more.
This weekend was sneaky. It started with a road trip. Let's be honest, folks-- sitting in a car for eight hours with a steady supply of KitKats and Mounds will NEVER end well. Because I had the mini candy bars, it was even worse.
"Mmm. That mini KitKat was delicious! But I only had one, so it's totally okay if I have one more... and one more..."
And of course, me being me, I didn't write it down. I just know that when the trip ended, sixteen mini candy bars were gone. Granted, my friends ate some. But even if I only ate half... that's a lot of junk! Add onto that fast food when we wanted a "real meal" and you can see how this weekend started.
The middle of the weekend was full of beer-- lots of beer-- and restaurant food. Hefty portions, too. Went to this microbrewery/deli called Founders. It was... sort of delicious. The beer was excellent. However, I vastly overestimated my ability to handle spiciness, and ordered this thing called a Devil Dancer. Roasted chicken, chipotle mayo, chipotle peppers, jalapenos, pepperjack cheese, and banana peppers.
The first bite was quite lovely. Unfortunately, I couldn't taste anything for the rest of the day AFTER the first bite. It became more bearable once I scraped off the chipotle and jalapeno peppers. The damage had been done, though. I left with burning fingertips, a tongue that could rival a Michigan side street in potholes, and a tummy ache. Next time: No chipotle. The bread was FANTASTIC, though.
Anyways. I'm back on today. Started my morning with a workout, ate a healthy breakfast, and all that fun stuff. I can't WAIT to make some Greek Quinoa with Avocado tonight. My body is all like "Nutrients pleeeeease!"
As an ending note... I have Cerise Cherry beer from Founders. It needs to be consumed by tonight. If you'd like some, please let me know! It's really tasty. I just can't drink any more.
Monday, April 5, 2010
You never thought weight affected this...
Weight influences all sorts of things. Comfort on a roller coaster. Size of my pants. Which angle my nipples got pierced at.
“So,” the piercer said. “You have nice nipples. Are you planning on losing weight?”
I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that. “Thanks. Um… I would like to, yes.”
“Ok. Well, I only ask because right now, if I pierce them straight, and you lose weight, they’ll be crooked, see? And if I pierce them at an angle now, they’ll be straight when you lose weight.”
This is good info to have. Just sayin’.
“So,” the piercer said. “You have nice nipples. Are you planning on losing weight?”
I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that. “Thanks. Um… I would like to, yes.”
“Ok. Well, I only ask because right now, if I pierce them straight, and you lose weight, they’ll be crooked, see? And if I pierce them at an angle now, they’ll be straight when you lose weight.”
This is good info to have. Just sayin’.
Horrible Things People Do
Yesterday was the least productive day ever. I had all these wonderful intentions-- I was going to clean my room, and work out, and eat well, and end world hunger. Yeah. It was going to be a REALLY productive day.
Then I watched this movie, and I was so depressed afterward, I could hardly function. It was loosely based on this girl Sylvia Likens, and her care taker. This girl was like, 16? And the person taking care of allowed and encouraged a whole slew of children to abuse her. When they autopsied her body, she had over 100 burns on her body. They had heated up a sewing needle and tattooed “I’m a prostitute” into her stomach.
Which got me to thinking about all the disturbing news I’ve been hearing lately and how often people just sit back because we are afraid. I can’t actually end world hunger all by my lonesome, and I can’t alter the infrastructure of the whole world. But I can lead by example, I suppose. Maybe not the whole world, but, hey, gotta aim big.
And part of leading by example is being healthy, difficult as it may be.
I’m going to leave you with one of my favorite quotations. It’s by Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Then I watched this movie, and I was so depressed afterward, I could hardly function. It was loosely based on this girl Sylvia Likens, and her care taker. This girl was like, 16? And the person taking care of allowed and encouraged a whole slew of children to abuse her. When they autopsied her body, she had over 100 burns on her body. They had heated up a sewing needle and tattooed “I’m a prostitute” into her stomach.
Which got me to thinking about all the disturbing news I’ve been hearing lately and how often people just sit back because we are afraid. I can’t actually end world hunger all by my lonesome, and I can’t alter the infrastructure of the whole world. But I can lead by example, I suppose. Maybe not the whole world, but, hey, gotta aim big.
And part of leading by example is being healthy, difficult as it may be.
I’m going to leave you with one of my favorite quotations. It’s by Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Sparkdiet: Day 14
This week went much better than last week.
Tomorrow, I will be starting stage two. I will be focusing on more than just working out, blogging and eating home-packed lunches; I will be expanding. These things are going to be my base. I'm feeling way more confident this time around.
One of the suckiest things about going to the bar is the amount of calories in beverages. I have to like, not eat in order to get a proper buzz going. Guess I'll have to avoid alcohol except on special occasions.
I was entering in my drinks on sparkpeople this morning. It takes me about 1/2 of a fifth to get drunk. One fifth is 750 mL, which is somewhere around 24 ounces. This means it takes me 12 shots.
Each shot has at least 69 calories. Not including a chaser. That's 828 calories of dehydrating, vitamin sapping fluid.
And yet... it's so worth it once in a while. Guess I'll just have to decide when it's really worth it.
Tomorrow, I will be starting stage two. I will be focusing on more than just working out, blogging and eating home-packed lunches; I will be expanding. These things are going to be my base. I'm feeling way more confident this time around.
One of the suckiest things about going to the bar is the amount of calories in beverages. I have to like, not eat in order to get a proper buzz going. Guess I'll have to avoid alcohol except on special occasions.
I was entering in my drinks on sparkpeople this morning. It takes me about 1/2 of a fifth to get drunk. One fifth is 750 mL, which is somewhere around 24 ounces. This means it takes me 12 shots.
Each shot has at least 69 calories. Not including a chaser. That's 828 calories of dehydrating, vitamin sapping fluid.
And yet... it's so worth it once in a while. Guess I'll just have to decide when it's really worth it.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Sparkdiet: Day 12
Yo, yo, uh.
I just felt like rapping a little bit. It happens now and again. :)
Today was fairly good. I went to Jazz Dance-- that was a workout. After class, I mentioned to the teacher that I wasn't sure if I should be in the front line for the performance. She said she might move me to the back, but I had to be in the center.
"Why?"
"Well... You have a big, powerful body, and if you were on an end, it would seem unbalanced."
I sort of see where she's coming from. But I was upset-- not so much because of this, but I think because of the other things that I've been unable to do because of my "big, powerful body."
In high school, I tried out for the role of a Jester in a high school dinner we were putting on. She cast a slender person, and at first, I thought "Ok, it's cool. She just outperformed me."
Later, the choir teacher said "I should have cast you. It was just that I already had the costume."
Cute. So, the jester kept messing up her lines through out the whole thing, but whatever. It's all good, right?
It's these type of experiences that make it so damn difficult for me to audition for things, or perform. I try to tell myself daily that it doesn't matter; if I act like my weight doesn't matter, everybody else will act the same. It's true, and not true. Like I've said before, yeah, I'm attractive. I'm able to talk to people, but if it gets to any sort of auditioning stage? Nuh uh. I like improv because it's more like hanging out in front of an audience; I don't feel judged.
I'm not sure where you go with this sort of thing. Do I keep struggling? Giving up is clearly not an option, but it's like I'm on a treadmill. Making the motions to get absolutely nowhere, with no fun along the way. I far prefer hikes, dancing, and swimming. So maybe I just need to think outside of the box.
And... day 5 of at least 10 minutes of exercise down.
I just felt like rapping a little bit. It happens now and again. :)
Today was fairly good. I went to Jazz Dance-- that was a workout. After class, I mentioned to the teacher that I wasn't sure if I should be in the front line for the performance. She said she might move me to the back, but I had to be in the center.
"Why?"
"Well... You have a big, powerful body, and if you were on an end, it would seem unbalanced."
I sort of see where she's coming from. But I was upset-- not so much because of this, but I think because of the other things that I've been unable to do because of my "big, powerful body."
In high school, I tried out for the role of a Jester in a high school dinner we were putting on. She cast a slender person, and at first, I thought "Ok, it's cool. She just outperformed me."
Later, the choir teacher said "I should have cast you. It was just that I already had the costume."
Cute. So, the jester kept messing up her lines through out the whole thing, but whatever. It's all good, right?
It's these type of experiences that make it so damn difficult for me to audition for things, or perform. I try to tell myself daily that it doesn't matter; if I act like my weight doesn't matter, everybody else will act the same. It's true, and not true. Like I've said before, yeah, I'm attractive. I'm able to talk to people, but if it gets to any sort of auditioning stage? Nuh uh. I like improv because it's more like hanging out in front of an audience; I don't feel judged.
I'm not sure where you go with this sort of thing. Do I keep struggling? Giving up is clearly not an option, but it's like I'm on a treadmill. Making the motions to get absolutely nowhere, with no fun along the way. I far prefer hikes, dancing, and swimming. So maybe I just need to think outside of the box.
And... day 5 of at least 10 minutes of exercise down.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sparkdiet: Day 11
Four days of exercising in a row. Woot, woot. I think that's something worth being proud of.
At work yesterday, I was eating some Swedish Fish. And on the bag, it said "Fat-free." To be perfectly honest, I hate the concept of fat-free. Things that are fat free actually ramp your blood sugar up higher than things with fat. Just throwing that out there. Also, just because it's fat-free doesn't mean it doesn't have calories. So... Let's get over this sans fat thing.
At work yesterday, I was eating some Swedish Fish. And on the bag, it said "Fat-free." To be perfectly honest, I hate the concept of fat-free. Things that are fat free actually ramp your blood sugar up higher than things with fat. Just throwing that out there. Also, just because it's fat-free doesn't mean it doesn't have calories. So... Let's get over this sans fat thing.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sparkdiet: Day 9
A friend of mine pointed out that if I couldn't get through stage 1, I probably shouldn't move on to stage 2. So I'm trying stage one again.
Goals: Home packed/made lunch 5/7 days this week
Exercise at least ten minutes 5/7 days this week
Write in my blog 5/7 days this week.
So far, so good.
Tonight my roommate and I needed to go get groceries. No big. But she had a flat tire. So we got the spare put on. Ok. The gas light came on, so we stopped at the gas station. Decided to put some oil in her car because it was really, really low. As in, almost none. But we couldn't get the cap off. This gentleman in the car next to us offered to help, so he tried... and he couldn't get the gas cap off either.
Eventually, I called my friend Nathan. He's probably the strongest guy I know. I told him to bring pliers. He showed up, got the oil cap off. We got some gas. Then the donut was almost flat. And Citgo doesn't have an air pump, so we went to a different gas station. I suggested we go to Valle's for groceries, since they are so close. We showed up at 9:09, and V's closes at 9:00.
It was a really long trip, and it culminated in me eating almost an entire pint of ice cream. Which wasn't as satisfying as it should have been. Sad day.
On a different note... I'm really, REALLY sore from the Shred workout yesterday. It's an accurate description. I feel as though someone has indeed taken a cheese grater to my leg muscles and shredded them. I still worked out today, though, which I was pretty proud of.
Until tomorrow, my friends.
Goals: Home packed/made lunch 5/7 days this week
Exercise at least ten minutes 5/7 days this week
Write in my blog 5/7 days this week.
So far, so good.
Tonight my roommate and I needed to go get groceries. No big. But she had a flat tire. So we got the spare put on. Ok. The gas light came on, so we stopped at the gas station. Decided to put some oil in her car because it was really, really low. As in, almost none. But we couldn't get the cap off. This gentleman in the car next to us offered to help, so he tried... and he couldn't get the gas cap off either.
Eventually, I called my friend Nathan. He's probably the strongest guy I know. I told him to bring pliers. He showed up, got the oil cap off. We got some gas. Then the donut was almost flat. And Citgo doesn't have an air pump, so we went to a different gas station. I suggested we go to Valle's for groceries, since they are so close. We showed up at 9:09, and V's closes at 9:00.
It was a really long trip, and it culminated in me eating almost an entire pint of ice cream. Which wasn't as satisfying as it should have been. Sad day.
On a different note... I'm really, REALLY sore from the Shred workout yesterday. It's an accurate description. I feel as though someone has indeed taken a cheese grater to my leg muscles and shredded them. I still worked out today, though, which I was pretty proud of.
Until tomorrow, my friends.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Adventures in Fitness: 30 Day Shred Workout 1
Adventures in Fitness: 30 Day Shred, Workout 1
Can you say dead? Because I can’t. Too out of breath to say anything. Seriously.
I was like “Oh gee, it’s just a work out video, right?” Yeah, except I was pretty sure Jillian Micheals was actually watching me the whole time. I was terrified to stop lest she yell at me from the TV.
It was a really good workout. I’m sweaty, my fingers are shaky, and it only took twenty minutes.
But when you have some woman telling you to keep going so you can have “great abs,” it’s a little off base. I don’t WANT great abs; I don’t care if I have great abs. Maybe if I were like, 150 lbs, I’d be interested in great abs. All I want right now is to lose some weight. Which, if the conditions of my damp clothing are any indication, will be totally doable.
30 Day Shred is no joke though. Five minutes in, I’m panting and shaky, and I still had fifteen to go. Around minute 12 I lost my shirt because I was sweating to death. And I feel like I may never be dehydrated again.
I wish I could say I look forward to doing this workout again… but I don’t. As effective as it is/may be, it wasn’t fun for me at all. I like fun fitness, darn it. I probably WILL do it again, though. I can’t let $9 go to waste.
Can you say dead? Because I can’t. Too out of breath to say anything. Seriously.
I was like “Oh gee, it’s just a work out video, right?” Yeah, except I was pretty sure Jillian Micheals was actually watching me the whole time. I was terrified to stop lest she yell at me from the TV.
It was a really good workout. I’m sweaty, my fingers are shaky, and it only took twenty minutes.
But when you have some woman telling you to keep going so you can have “great abs,” it’s a little off base. I don’t WANT great abs; I don’t care if I have great abs. Maybe if I were like, 150 lbs, I’d be interested in great abs. All I want right now is to lose some weight. Which, if the conditions of my damp clothing are any indication, will be totally doable.
30 Day Shred is no joke though. Five minutes in, I’m panting and shaky, and I still had fifteen to go. Around minute 12 I lost my shirt because I was sweating to death. And I feel like I may never be dehydrated again.
I wish I could say I look forward to doing this workout again… but I don’t. As effective as it is/may be, it wasn’t fun for me at all. I like fun fitness, darn it. I probably WILL do it again, though. I can’t let $9 go to waste.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sparkdiet: Day 7
But Val, when I count on my fingers, the numbers go 4, 5, 6, 7.
I obviously missed a day.
I'm done with my first week of the book version of the Sparkdiet. I should be full of momentum and ready for the next stage. But I don't feel that way at all. Maybe it's because I suck, and I didn't meet my goals this week.
Or maybe it's because I always feel under prepared. I'm going to take a moment to review and re-align my point of view.
I wrote a blog post 5 out of 7 days, and even did two posts on one day. Goal? The book suggested 5/7 days, so... Met.
I packed my lunch most days this week, and the days I stayed at home, ate here. Goal two? Check.
The goal of working out for ten minutes did not get met the majority of the time. I did Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday... and that was it.
The next stage is about getting my nutrients right, in addition to continuing with the goals I should have met this week.
Sunday is a new day. And habits are about continuously doing things, so, I'll keep chugging away at the exercise thing. 2/3 is a decent track score. Passing.
I need to start thinking about a reward for the end of my four weeks, and little rewards for meeting small goals. I think I might create a "prize box" for small goals-- little slips of paper entitling me to a bubble bath, or an hour of TV. Because honestly, I would do well by myself to start using Netflix as a reward instead of a time suck.
Bring on Stage 2. :)
I obviously missed a day.
I'm done with my first week of the book version of the Sparkdiet. I should be full of momentum and ready for the next stage. But I don't feel that way at all. Maybe it's because I suck, and I didn't meet my goals this week.
Or maybe it's because I always feel under prepared. I'm going to take a moment to review and re-align my point of view.
I wrote a blog post 5 out of 7 days, and even did two posts on one day. Goal? The book suggested 5/7 days, so... Met.
I packed my lunch most days this week, and the days I stayed at home, ate here. Goal two? Check.
The goal of working out for ten minutes did not get met the majority of the time. I did Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday... and that was it.
The next stage is about getting my nutrients right, in addition to continuing with the goals I should have met this week.
Sunday is a new day. And habits are about continuously doing things, so, I'll keep chugging away at the exercise thing. 2/3 is a decent track score. Passing.
I need to start thinking about a reward for the end of my four weeks, and little rewards for meeting small goals. I think I might create a "prize box" for small goals-- little slips of paper entitling me to a bubble bath, or an hour of TV. Because honestly, I would do well by myself to start using Netflix as a reward instead of a time suck.
Bring on Stage 2. :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sparkdiet: Day 5
Day 5, and I still haven't gotten it completely right.
Today, I worked out, and managed to write here (twice, in fact!) but I failed at lunch. To make matters worse, I ate out twice today. Den for lunch, and Aubree's for dinner. In the future, my dear EN302 friends, please don't let me eat a burrito AND a seven layer bar, mmmk? Thanks! Ha ha. But seriously, today was a good day for the most part.
I'm currently talking to my friend Amber. She is great for me to talk to, because she inspires me. In a weird way, because it's not like she gives me a motivational speech or anything. It's just that I know she has high expectations OF me, so I have higher expectations of myself. It's an interesting phenomena.
So. Tomorrow. Ten minute workout. Packed lunch. Blogspot post. Yep yep. It'll happen-- you watch. :)
Today, I worked out, and managed to write here (twice, in fact!) but I failed at lunch. To make matters worse, I ate out twice today. Den for lunch, and Aubree's for dinner. In the future, my dear EN302 friends, please don't let me eat a burrito AND a seven layer bar, mmmk? Thanks! Ha ha. But seriously, today was a good day for the most part.
I'm currently talking to my friend Amber. She is great for me to talk to, because she inspires me. In a weird way, because it's not like she gives me a motivational speech or anything. It's just that I know she has high expectations OF me, so I have higher expectations of myself. It's an interesting phenomena.
So. Tomorrow. Ten minute workout. Packed lunch. Blogspot post. Yep yep. It'll happen-- you watch. :)
Sparkdiet: Day 4
It's really hard to get on here once a day! So I'll write an entry this morning for yesterday, and do another tonight for today.
As I was sitting in Starbucks recently, I overheard two women complaining about their bodies. Neither of them were obese, so I hated them a little bit. And then I realized I don't get to hate people for struggling with the same body issues I struggle with.
The whole experience reminded me that I don't have the same self loathing of my body and looks some of my beautiful friends have, which is really interesting to me. Because-- confession-- I really love some parts of my body. Especially my butt. I don't know if it's because it's just shaped the way I like butts to be shaped, or if I'm susceptible to the praise it's received. But the way it looks in a pair of dark pants? Uh huh. Like. And my hair. Thought it is rebellious when I try to do fancy stuff with it, it's great left down.
Anyways. Enough about me, gushing over my favorite parts. The parts I don't like so much (especially my tummy) I talk to, particularly in the shower. This process helps me remember that there's a lot my tummy does for me, and I need to appreciate it.
What's your favorite body part? What parts do you struggle to love?
As I was sitting in Starbucks recently, I overheard two women complaining about their bodies. Neither of them were obese, so I hated them a little bit. And then I realized I don't get to hate people for struggling with the same body issues I struggle with.
The whole experience reminded me that I don't have the same self loathing of my body and looks some of my beautiful friends have, which is really interesting to me. Because-- confession-- I really love some parts of my body. Especially my butt. I don't know if it's because it's just shaped the way I like butts to be shaped, or if I'm susceptible to the praise it's received. But the way it looks in a pair of dark pants? Uh huh. Like. And my hair. Thought it is rebellious when I try to do fancy stuff with it, it's great left down.
Anyways. Enough about me, gushing over my favorite parts. The parts I don't like so much (especially my tummy) I talk to, particularly in the shower. This process helps me remember that there's a lot my tummy does for me, and I need to appreciate it.
What's your favorite body part? What parts do you struggle to love?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
SparkDiet: Day 3
In lieu of working out today, I baked. Which may sound counter intuitive, but I stayed standing for a large portion of about 3 hours. I came home tired and ready to fall into bed. Only the memory that I had to write in my blog pulled me from the comfort of my blankets.
I had a home made lunch today. Tuna salad on whole wheat bread. I tried something new, which is to say my tuna salad was different than normal. I used one Laughing Cow Light wedge, one tablespoon of mayo, 3 oz. of tuna, and a chopped up pickle spear. The Laughing Cow was the new part. It actually tasted quite good, but still different than normal.
I promise I will work out tomorrow morning. Before anything else. That way, I'll be done with it early on and I won't have to worry about it for the rest of the day. Uggggh. :)
I'm going to go collapse into my bed now.
P.S. All the baking was for a bake sale. If you have any interest in coconut macaroons, cookie dough topped brownies, pudding pies, homemade apple pies, or muffins... You should totally stop by Cohodas tomorrow between 9-3. :)
I had a home made lunch today. Tuna salad on whole wheat bread. I tried something new, which is to say my tuna salad was different than normal. I used one Laughing Cow Light wedge, one tablespoon of mayo, 3 oz. of tuna, and a chopped up pickle spear. The Laughing Cow was the new part. It actually tasted quite good, but still different than normal.
I promise I will work out tomorrow morning. Before anything else. That way, I'll be done with it early on and I won't have to worry about it for the rest of the day. Uggggh. :)
I'm going to go collapse into my bed now.
P.S. All the baking was for a bake sale. If you have any interest in coconut macaroons, cookie dough topped brownies, pudding pies, homemade apple pies, or muffins... You should totally stop by Cohodas tomorrow between 9-3. :)
Monday, March 22, 2010
SparkDiet: Day 2
Sparkpeople: Day 2
Took my walk yesterday. I made a little mapped route in a loop around my apartment. Comes up to 1.11 miles. I figured it would take me thirty minutes to walk, but it turned out it only took 20. That was pretty exciting. I was all puffing and stuff by the time I got done though. Blah.
Ten minute workout didn’t happen today. :( I totally forgot until it was too late. I did, however, pack a homemade lunch and I’m now posting on my “journal.” My calories and fat were high, but I had Starbucks at lunch and McDonalds for dinner…. What can you expect? It was delicious though.
I went to Walmart today, and while I was there, I picked up a new exercise DVD. What I’m thinking is this—I’ve got a few different exercise DVD’s, and the PEIF offers a variety of fitness courses. Why not try a different type of workout every week? Should be kind of interesting, right? I can document what works best for me, and what doesn’t.
One thing that I know is awesome at the PEIF is the Yoga + Pilates Flow. I am pretty sure I’m in love with Heidi, the woman who teaches it. She makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.
Ha ha. But seriously. I always feel SO good when I leave there. I’ve only gone twice, but I’m definitely hooked. My back always feels great, and I’m so relaxed afterward. It’s a little rough on the wrists at times, though.
Day 2 down. I can do eet.
Took my walk yesterday. I made a little mapped route in a loop around my apartment. Comes up to 1.11 miles. I figured it would take me thirty minutes to walk, but it turned out it only took 20. That was pretty exciting. I was all puffing and stuff by the time I got done though. Blah.
Ten minute workout didn’t happen today. :( I totally forgot until it was too late. I did, however, pack a homemade lunch and I’m now posting on my “journal.” My calories and fat were high, but I had Starbucks at lunch and McDonalds for dinner…. What can you expect? It was delicious though.
I went to Walmart today, and while I was there, I picked up a new exercise DVD. What I’m thinking is this—I’ve got a few different exercise DVD’s, and the PEIF offers a variety of fitness courses. Why not try a different type of workout every week? Should be kind of interesting, right? I can document what works best for me, and what doesn’t.
One thing that I know is awesome at the PEIF is the Yoga + Pilates Flow. I am pretty sure I’m in love with Heidi, the woman who teaches it. She makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.
Ha ha. But seriously. I always feel SO good when I leave there. I’ve only gone twice, but I’m definitely hooked. My back always feels great, and I’m so relaxed afterward. It’s a little rough on the wrists at times, though.
Day 2 down. I can do eet.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
SparkDiet: Day 1
I’m starting the four week Sparkpeople diet. In the first week, I have to make and meet three small goals.
Could you write one page in a journal every day, eat a lunch either at home or packed from home, and exercise ten minutes every day?
I sure hope I can. Those are my goals for the next seven days. I figure this counts as a journal, so that way, I can incorporate schoolwork AND a healthy lifestyle together. Look it that.
So, Day 1 of 28. The weather is warm-ish again, so I think I’ll take my exercise in the form of a walk outside. And now, motivation.
I’m waiting for it to magically appear, you see. I’ve spent the last hour and a half playing the Sims 3, waiting to be struck by the sudden urge to be productive, work out, clean, do my homework, and go for that walk I planned. It hasn’t happened yet. I think I may have to move before motivation strikes me, or I could possibly be here all damn day. Actually, if I continue to wait for motivation, I may be here until ... I'm dead. That would be unfortunate.
Supposedly, if I do those three things every day for a week, I’ll have built up motivation and it won’t be so difficult to keep moving. The quote they used “A body at motion tends to stay at motion” also has a second part to it—“A body at rest tends to stay at rest.” And this body wants to play Sims 3 on my new laptop some more. I don’t really want to do anything else today. Then again, I didn’t want to do anything else yesterday, either.
And can you really BUILD motivation? I'll let you know at the end of this week...
Ok. So, rallying self. This walk will be great. There will be sunshine and vitamin D and I’ll like it when I’m done. Right? Right…
And go!
Could you write one page in a journal every day, eat a lunch either at home or packed from home, and exercise ten minutes every day?
I sure hope I can. Those are my goals for the next seven days. I figure this counts as a journal, so that way, I can incorporate schoolwork AND a healthy lifestyle together. Look it that.
So, Day 1 of 28. The weather is warm-ish again, so I think I’ll take my exercise in the form of a walk outside. And now, motivation.
I’m waiting for it to magically appear, you see. I’ve spent the last hour and a half playing the Sims 3, waiting to be struck by the sudden urge to be productive, work out, clean, do my homework, and go for that walk I planned. It hasn’t happened yet. I think I may have to move before motivation strikes me, or I could possibly be here all damn day. Actually, if I continue to wait for motivation, I may be here until ... I'm dead. That would be unfortunate.
Supposedly, if I do those three things every day for a week, I’ll have built up motivation and it won’t be so difficult to keep moving. The quote they used “A body at motion tends to stay at motion” also has a second part to it—“A body at rest tends to stay at rest.” And this body wants to play Sims 3 on my new laptop some more. I don’t really want to do anything else today. Then again, I didn’t want to do anything else yesterday, either.
And can you really BUILD motivation? I'll let you know at the end of this week...
Ok. So, rallying self. This walk will be great. There will be sunshine and vitamin D and I’ll like it when I’m done. Right? Right…
And go!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Rolled Oats
Instant oatmeal is quick and easy. Open packet, dump into bowl. Add water or milk, throw in the microwave for a bit. Good stuff.
Not-instant oatmeal is a pain in the ass.
The recipe was simple. Prepare plain oats, top with peanut butter and sliced strawberries. It was nutritionally sound and sounded delicious. When I pulled the Quaker Oats out of my cupboard, I noticed they weren’t instant. I was slightly disappointed, but after reading the back and learning that the oats only needed to be cooked for 2-3 minutes, I was ok. After all, that would give me time to put on clothes while my breakfast cooked.
I felt like one cup of milk to half a cup of oats was a little excessive, but I figured the folks at Quaker knew better than I did. I dumped everything into a bowl, stirred it with my finger, and put it in the microwave. Since my microwave is a beast, I only put it in for 1 minute, 45 seconds. When the lovely beep-beep-beeping pulled me from my room, I was unhappy to discover half cooked oats and milk all over the microwave. The two had cooked just enough to make the mixture sort of jelly—like congealed milk. Mmm. Yeah, that’s appealing.
This was a setback. But I’m a determined type, so I figured I’d give it another go. A few days later, I tried on the stove top. I boiled my water and put the oats in, and stepped away for a couple of minutes.
When I came back, I found the same thing that had happened in the microwave had happened on the stove top. I was slightly less than impressed. I wiped it up, and pondered what I could do differently. To maybe AVOID half cooked oats and gelatinous liquid spilling everywhere.
It turns out I CAN cook oats in the microwave or on the stovetop, but it actually takes somewhere between 5-10 minutes. If I do it in the microwave, I have to cook it, but I need to sit in front of the microwave. It will boil up, and I have to stop the microwave, stir it, and put it back in. Every 12 seconds, about. On the stovetop, I need to stir constantly.
Is it worth it? I wasn’t sure, until this morning. The peanut butter and the strawberries in oatmeal is delicious. So… I’m going with yeah, totally worth it.
I can’t WAIT to use up all my regular oats and get instant oats, though.
Not-instant oatmeal is a pain in the ass.
The recipe was simple. Prepare plain oats, top with peanut butter and sliced strawberries. It was nutritionally sound and sounded delicious. When I pulled the Quaker Oats out of my cupboard, I noticed they weren’t instant. I was slightly disappointed, but after reading the back and learning that the oats only needed to be cooked for 2-3 minutes, I was ok. After all, that would give me time to put on clothes while my breakfast cooked.
I felt like one cup of milk to half a cup of oats was a little excessive, but I figured the folks at Quaker knew better than I did. I dumped everything into a bowl, stirred it with my finger, and put it in the microwave. Since my microwave is a beast, I only put it in for 1 minute, 45 seconds. When the lovely beep-beep-beeping pulled me from my room, I was unhappy to discover half cooked oats and milk all over the microwave. The two had cooked just enough to make the mixture sort of jelly—like congealed milk. Mmm. Yeah, that’s appealing.
This was a setback. But I’m a determined type, so I figured I’d give it another go. A few days later, I tried on the stove top. I boiled my water and put the oats in, and stepped away for a couple of minutes.
When I came back, I found the same thing that had happened in the microwave had happened on the stove top. I was slightly less than impressed. I wiped it up, and pondered what I could do differently. To maybe AVOID half cooked oats and gelatinous liquid spilling everywhere.
It turns out I CAN cook oats in the microwave or on the stovetop, but it actually takes somewhere between 5-10 minutes. If I do it in the microwave, I have to cook it, but I need to sit in front of the microwave. It will boil up, and I have to stop the microwave, stir it, and put it back in. Every 12 seconds, about. On the stovetop, I need to stir constantly.
Is it worth it? I wasn’t sure, until this morning. The peanut butter and the strawberries in oatmeal is delicious. So… I’m going with yeah, totally worth it.
I can’t WAIT to use up all my regular oats and get instant oats, though.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Chocolate Does Not Equal Love
I’m trying to feed something that food won’t satisfy.
It would make sense, then, to stop eating. It’s logically sound. Unfortunately, it doesn’t FEEL like the right solution.
This particular struggle started yesterday and has extended itself into today. It started yesterday evening when I got home and helped myself to some fruit snacks, followed by six mini Cadbury eggs.
Ok, no big deal. I had a Lean Pocket for dinner, and finished off the crumbs left in my Baked Ruffles bag. Not much.
Two 1/3 cup scoops of Ben and Jerry’s. Followed by the desire to eat more. So I took bath.
At nine, I realized I should go to bed. If only to avoid eating more. Unfortunately, I had to make brownies. I obviously had to lick the bowl. Can’t waste good brownie batter.
Which brings us to today, almost twenty four hours later. I’ve consumed two brownies, a package of Twix, and a Butterfinger. To say nothing of the nutritious food I’ve eaten.
Over break, I ate reasonably every day that wasn’t a travel day. So why can’t I stop eating today? What the hell am I trying to fill up on, or distract myself from?
I think I’m sad. I stayed at Gabriel’s house for 8 days, and we had a really good time together. I was able to lounge about and play video games on a console I don’t own. But more than that, I had infinite amounts of affection available. If I wanted a shoulder rub or just to cuddle, it was easily accessible. I had unlimited time in which to do whatever I wanted. And there were no tricky, life altering questions I had to answer. Now I’m back to briskly walking between obligations, being wiped at the end of the day, and trying to figure out “what to do next.” Which, as a college senior, is a moderately big deal. Maybe not to the world at large, but to me? Oh yeah.
Chocolate isn’t going to fix that.
So I chomp on a stick of gum like I’m punishing it while avoiding eye contact with the brownies I packed for the meeting, which are casting me seductive looks from the corner. So I talk to myself, usually managing to keep it in my head, but sometimes it slips out in a mumble so that Theresa, who works in the same office a mere 8 feet away, turns back and asks “Did you say something?”
“No. Just muttering to myself,” I reply, before continuing with my self dialogue. You’re sad, Val. You’re sad, and confused, and eating five more brownies will make you feel fatter, and not alleviate those problems at all. Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t WANT five more brownies, does it? I don’t know. Do you? Do you really want to gain more weight? Wasn’t the goal to establish healthy eating habits? I suppose so. But I can start again tomorrow. What was that a few weeks ago about not borrowing against yourself, then? Jesus. Fine. Whatever. What about three brownies? Umm… Sure. If you don’t want dinner.
So that’s where I’m at. What are my alternatives? Write my study abroad statement of purpose so I actually have a decision made. Fill out some scholarships. Do something PRODUCTIVE so that I can stop dwelling on food and all the things I haven’t done, and don’t know if I can do. I need to shake things up a little.
Or maybe I could just keep, ya know, eating myself sick. That’s obviously helpful. Of course, the problem could lie in the type of food I’m eating. After all, were I eating fortune cookies, I would have answers for every cookie I ate.
It would make sense, then, to stop eating. It’s logically sound. Unfortunately, it doesn’t FEEL like the right solution.
This particular struggle started yesterday and has extended itself into today. It started yesterday evening when I got home and helped myself to some fruit snacks, followed by six mini Cadbury eggs.
Ok, no big deal. I had a Lean Pocket for dinner, and finished off the crumbs left in my Baked Ruffles bag. Not much.
Two 1/3 cup scoops of Ben and Jerry’s. Followed by the desire to eat more. So I took bath.
At nine, I realized I should go to bed. If only to avoid eating more. Unfortunately, I had to make brownies. I obviously had to lick the bowl. Can’t waste good brownie batter.
Which brings us to today, almost twenty four hours later. I’ve consumed two brownies, a package of Twix, and a Butterfinger. To say nothing of the nutritious food I’ve eaten.
Over break, I ate reasonably every day that wasn’t a travel day. So why can’t I stop eating today? What the hell am I trying to fill up on, or distract myself from?
I think I’m sad. I stayed at Gabriel’s house for 8 days, and we had a really good time together. I was able to lounge about and play video games on a console I don’t own. But more than that, I had infinite amounts of affection available. If I wanted a shoulder rub or just to cuddle, it was easily accessible. I had unlimited time in which to do whatever I wanted. And there were no tricky, life altering questions I had to answer. Now I’m back to briskly walking between obligations, being wiped at the end of the day, and trying to figure out “what to do next.” Which, as a college senior, is a moderately big deal. Maybe not to the world at large, but to me? Oh yeah.
Chocolate isn’t going to fix that.
So I chomp on a stick of gum like I’m punishing it while avoiding eye contact with the brownies I packed for the meeting, which are casting me seductive looks from the corner. So I talk to myself, usually managing to keep it in my head, but sometimes it slips out in a mumble so that Theresa, who works in the same office a mere 8 feet away, turns back and asks “Did you say something?”
“No. Just muttering to myself,” I reply, before continuing with my self dialogue. You’re sad, Val. You’re sad, and confused, and eating five more brownies will make you feel fatter, and not alleviate those problems at all. Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t WANT five more brownies, does it? I don’t know. Do you? Do you really want to gain more weight? Wasn’t the goal to establish healthy eating habits? I suppose so. But I can start again tomorrow. What was that a few weeks ago about not borrowing against yourself, then? Jesus. Fine. Whatever. What about three brownies? Umm… Sure. If you don’t want dinner.
So that’s where I’m at. What are my alternatives? Write my study abroad statement of purpose so I actually have a decision made. Fill out some scholarships. Do something PRODUCTIVE so that I can stop dwelling on food and all the things I haven’t done, and don’t know if I can do. I need to shake things up a little.
Or maybe I could just keep, ya know, eating myself sick. That’s obviously helpful. Of course, the problem could lie in the type of food I’m eating. After all, were I eating fortune cookies, I would have answers for every cookie I ate.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I'm Attractive?!
One of my workout DVD’s ends by telling me I am “amazing.” The first time I worked out, I scoffed at this notion. “Amazing? For finishing a work out video? Please.” But somewhere along this struggle, I’ve come to believe it—at least, when I finish a work out.
It’s so easy to forget the rest of the time. I’m late for class. I skipped class. My homework isn’t done. I only got a B on that test. I forgot my niece’s birthday. My nephew called and I forgot to call him back. I blew up at my mom.
The dishes in my sink are piled high with no end in sight. That conversation with so and so ended so awkwardly, and it was totally my fault for being a weirdo. I feel like a frazzled, effed-up failure.
But the days where I actually think I’m fucked up or a failure are becoming far less frequent. Yeah, I’m frazzled, but EVERYONE’s frazzled. This is the US, after all.
And I find that the more adept I get at exercising regularly and frequently, the more often I do my homework. The more often make my bed. It’s a criss cross effect. But for all that, I’m busy all the time, and sometimes, it’s nice to be reminded that I’m amazing. Especially when it is by someone who isn’t Shaun T (the workout instructor from my DVD.)
I went out to the Wild Rover on Saturday, which is my favorite bar in Marquette. My roommate and I were in sore need of roomie-bonding-time. We ran into some people we know. Mostly, though, I introduced myself to a bunch of people I DIDN’T know.
Once of my favorite games to play at the bar is “Whose hat can I wear tonight?” I got quite a lot of hats, and plenty of pictures to help fill in the blanks for the morning. I don’t typically black out, but sometimes things get a little fuzzy.
The game got a little old, and we started to leave. On the way out, a song came on that we had to dance to. So we did. There was a guy who was lurking awkwardly on the edge of the dance floor, so I invited him to come out and dance with us.
Learned his name was Chris, got his phone number. Told him he should have been wearing a hat. Went back to the bar, ran into a man I knew and his friend. His friend’s name was Kyle.
“Hey,” Kyle started, “I’m really bad at dancing, but would you like to go onto the dance floor with me after this drink?” I was flattered. Through middle school, I was the girl people would play pranks on their friends with.
“So-and-so wants to dance with you,” the kids would say. The few times I believed them, it turned out to be a practical joke on the other person.
So at first, I was skeptical. What if he was joking? But it turned out he wasn’t. After Kyle and I slammed an Irish Car Bomb, we went out and danced together. I dragged my roommate with us, and it was really fun.
Nights like Saturday remind me that I am attractive. I may not be gorgeous. I may not be hot. But I can go to a bar, in khakis, a single swipe of mascara, and a t-shirt, and have cute guys ask me to dance. I woke up the next day with no less than five pictures of me in different hats, and three men's phone numbers. I wonder how much more attractive I will be when I start believing it, instead of being shocked when I realize it.
It’s so easy to forget the rest of the time. I’m late for class. I skipped class. My homework isn’t done. I only got a B on that test. I forgot my niece’s birthday. My nephew called and I forgot to call him back. I blew up at my mom.
The dishes in my sink are piled high with no end in sight. That conversation with so and so ended so awkwardly, and it was totally my fault for being a weirdo. I feel like a frazzled, effed-up failure.
But the days where I actually think I’m fucked up or a failure are becoming far less frequent. Yeah, I’m frazzled, but EVERYONE’s frazzled. This is the US, after all.
And I find that the more adept I get at exercising regularly and frequently, the more often I do my homework. The more often make my bed. It’s a criss cross effect. But for all that, I’m busy all the time, and sometimes, it’s nice to be reminded that I’m amazing. Especially when it is by someone who isn’t Shaun T (the workout instructor from my DVD.)
I went out to the Wild Rover on Saturday, which is my favorite bar in Marquette. My roommate and I were in sore need of roomie-bonding-time. We ran into some people we know. Mostly, though, I introduced myself to a bunch of people I DIDN’T know.
Once of my favorite games to play at the bar is “Whose hat can I wear tonight?” I got quite a lot of hats, and plenty of pictures to help fill in the blanks for the morning. I don’t typically black out, but sometimes things get a little fuzzy.
The game got a little old, and we started to leave. On the way out, a song came on that we had to dance to. So we did. There was a guy who was lurking awkwardly on the edge of the dance floor, so I invited him to come out and dance with us.
Learned his name was Chris, got his phone number. Told him he should have been wearing a hat. Went back to the bar, ran into a man I knew and his friend. His friend’s name was Kyle.
“Hey,” Kyle started, “I’m really bad at dancing, but would you like to go onto the dance floor with me after this drink?” I was flattered. Through middle school, I was the girl people would play pranks on their friends with.
“So-and-so wants to dance with you,” the kids would say. The few times I believed them, it turned out to be a practical joke on the other person.
So at first, I was skeptical. What if he was joking? But it turned out he wasn’t. After Kyle and I slammed an Irish Car Bomb, we went out and danced together. I dragged my roommate with us, and it was really fun.
Nights like Saturday remind me that I am attractive. I may not be gorgeous. I may not be hot. But I can go to a bar, in khakis, a single swipe of mascara, and a t-shirt, and have cute guys ask me to dance. I woke up the next day with no less than five pictures of me in different hats, and three men's phone numbers. I wonder how much more attractive I will be when I start believing it, instead of being shocked when I realize it.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Workout? Completed!
I just wanted to share something that I am really proud of myself for.
Two and a half months ago, I popped Hip Hop Abs: Cardio Blast 2. It said 45 minutes to completion, and I was like "Ugh, no way!" So I shut it off and did the 23 minutes Hip Hop Abs: Ab Sculpt 1. Today, I wanted to work out from home, and I didn't want to do any of the level 1 stuff.
So, I popped in the Cardio Blast 2.
AND I completed it. Not only did I complete it, I also told my roommate to stop watching me workout when she came home earlier than expected. Normally I would have just shut it off. And when she came back and continued watching me work out, instead of stopping or flying off the handle, I just kept working. I got flustered, and I messed up the steps, but I kept working.
Feels pretty awesome.
Two and a half months ago, I popped Hip Hop Abs: Cardio Blast 2. It said 45 minutes to completion, and I was like "Ugh, no way!" So I shut it off and did the 23 minutes Hip Hop Abs: Ab Sculpt 1. Today, I wanted to work out from home, and I didn't want to do any of the level 1 stuff.
So, I popped in the Cardio Blast 2.
AND I completed it. Not only did I complete it, I also told my roommate to stop watching me workout when she came home earlier than expected. Normally I would have just shut it off. And when she came back and continued watching me work out, instead of stopping or flying off the handle, I just kept working. I got flustered, and I messed up the steps, but I kept working.
Feels pretty awesome.
Small Goals
The route I’ve taken to up my health is sparkpeople.com. Why them? Why not… Weight Watchers? Or Jenny Craig? Or Nutrisystem? Or South Beach?
Because, my friends, it is FREE! I can eat whatever I want. I feel no pressure to eat nothing but bacon. They actually encourage me to eat carbs. I was tempted to do South Beach, but two weeks without fruit would possibly kill me. Additionally, I don't like Splenda. The Sparkpeople website’s founder, Chris Downey, recently authored a book called “The Spark.” Aside from being annoyed that they’ve gone from being 100% free to almost commercializing themselves, I’m actually pretty impressed. The book takes the program they have on the website and condense it into four weeks. And I’ve been loosely following the book program while sticking to the internet one, and I’ve discovered a couple of things.
I can’t eat for weight loss. I can’t, can’t, can’t do it. Because what happens then is that I don’t lose weight. When I eat healthy meals, I feel better about myself and I feel more energized throughout the day… and it’s nice to know that I’m eating well. It just FEELS good.
And it turns out when I eat for weight loss, I don’t actually lose weight. Goes back to the credit limit thing? I tell myself that what is important is the week over all, and that I’ll be good the next day but tonight, I REALLY WANT THAT FRUIT ROLL UP!
When I make meeting my calorie and fat and carbohydrate ranges my goal, instead of weight loss, I do a much better job. I’m boycotting the scale for two weeks after Monday. Because the first few weeks, weight loss was the goal, and I would get down to 315 and back up to 320 and then back to 315. And why Monday? Well, folks, the On Campus Apartments is having a “The Biggest Loser” competition! Heck yeah. I’m excited for it. Cheer me on, right? Right.
The same thing goes for exercise, by the way. Some weird thing, boundary, something has passed. The first couple of weeks, the idea of exercise made me feel dread and shame and tired. And that was before I even DID anything active. Now physical activity has a hint of appeal to it—not a lot yet, but a sort of “Hmmm… working out could be fun right now.” I even found myself popping in an exercise DVD because I was exhausted when I got home from work. I had so much more energy after! It’s interesting the different tricks and tips I’m learning about my body.
So every day, I decide whether or not I’m going to be within my calorie range. And I decide whether I’m going to work out. If I do both, it’s been a pretty successful day. Monica was right—baby steps are totally the way to go. I don’t even get upset at myself any more when I don’t work out or go over. And the most interesting part of that is I’m on day five of being within my calorie range—which is probably the longest streak I’ve ever had. It will possibly be broken tomorrow, when a certain classmate and I go out drinking, but Sunday will start a new week.
I’m feelin’ pretty good about all this today. I think I'll go work out now.
Because, my friends, it is FREE! I can eat whatever I want. I feel no pressure to eat nothing but bacon. They actually encourage me to eat carbs. I was tempted to do South Beach, but two weeks without fruit would possibly kill me. Additionally, I don't like Splenda. The Sparkpeople website’s founder, Chris Downey, recently authored a book called “The Spark.” Aside from being annoyed that they’ve gone from being 100% free to almost commercializing themselves, I’m actually pretty impressed. The book takes the program they have on the website and condense it into four weeks. And I’ve been loosely following the book program while sticking to the internet one, and I’ve discovered a couple of things.
I can’t eat for weight loss. I can’t, can’t, can’t do it. Because what happens then is that I don’t lose weight. When I eat healthy meals, I feel better about myself and I feel more energized throughout the day… and it’s nice to know that I’m eating well. It just FEELS good.
And it turns out when I eat for weight loss, I don’t actually lose weight. Goes back to the credit limit thing? I tell myself that what is important is the week over all, and that I’ll be good the next day but tonight, I REALLY WANT THAT FRUIT ROLL UP!
When I make meeting my calorie and fat and carbohydrate ranges my goal, instead of weight loss, I do a much better job. I’m boycotting the scale for two weeks after Monday. Because the first few weeks, weight loss was the goal, and I would get down to 315 and back up to 320 and then back to 315. And why Monday? Well, folks, the On Campus Apartments is having a “The Biggest Loser” competition! Heck yeah. I’m excited for it. Cheer me on, right? Right.
The same thing goes for exercise, by the way. Some weird thing, boundary, something has passed. The first couple of weeks, the idea of exercise made me feel dread and shame and tired. And that was before I even DID anything active. Now physical activity has a hint of appeal to it—not a lot yet, but a sort of “Hmmm… working out could be fun right now.” I even found myself popping in an exercise DVD because I was exhausted when I got home from work. I had so much more energy after! It’s interesting the different tricks and tips I’m learning about my body.
So every day, I decide whether or not I’m going to be within my calorie range. And I decide whether I’m going to work out. If I do both, it’s been a pretty successful day. Monica was right—baby steps are totally the way to go. I don’t even get upset at myself any more when I don’t work out or go over. And the most interesting part of that is I’m on day five of being within my calorie range—which is probably the longest streak I’ve ever had. It will possibly be broken tomorrow, when a certain classmate and I go out drinking, but Sunday will start a new week.
I’m feelin’ pretty good about all this today. I think I'll go work out now.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Behaviorism and a 555 lb. teenager
At 320 pounds and 21 years of age, my life is difficult. It was in high school too, but not because I got picked on; because I was for the most part ignored. To maintain 320 pounds, folks, I must admit—I do quite a bit of eating that isn’t necessary, and I do less exercise than I should be doing.
As a psychology major with a likin’ for behaviorism, I can tell you it breaks down to a couple of things. I’ll define a couple of terms for you. Yeah, you’re getting educated. Learn to love it. Keep in mind, the examples are NOT going to be universal for everyone—they’re meant to clear it up a little.
Positive reinforcement: the addition of stimuli that increases the behavior immediately before it. (You put money in a vending machine. You push the buttons. You get your preferred treat. You are more likely to do this again the next time you are hungry.
Negative reinforcement: the removal of stimuli that decreases the behavior immediately before it. (You have a kid. The child is whining and whining about wanting something. You yell at the kid. The kid stops whining. You are now more likely to yell at the child.)
Positive Punishment—addition of a stimuli to decrease the behavior before. (A child is screaming. You smack them upside the back of the head. The addition of pain makes it less likely he’ll scream.)
Negative punishment—the removal of stimuli to decrease the behavior immediately before it. (You put your money in the vending machine. It gives you no food. You are less likely to use that vending machine.)
Now, there is WAY more to behaviorism than the things above. But those are some of the core concepts, and they are most effective when used consistently. Punishment is typically bad for learning productive behaviors, and reinforcement is typically the best way to learn new things.
So I’ve broken down some of my own behaviors regarding food. In a later post, I'll take some time and think up ways around these unhealthy habits.
1. I find comfort in food. It is something that has always been available to me, so when I’m uncertain about things, I eat.
2. There’s an immediate reinforcement when I eat. Ummm.. it tastes good.
3. Eating is something everyone does, so I use it as an excuse. If I’m at work, instead of just taking five minutes to myself and being like “Screw you,” I’ll typically eat something. They can’t get mad that I’m eating, right? Everybody eats!
4. I use food not only as a positive reinforcement, where it tastes good—I also use it as negative reinforcement. When I’m freaking out over something, I’ll eat because I don’t have to think about the negative things while I’m eating. There was a study done with bulimics where they were told to record their negative self thoughts on a recorder, and every time they went on a binge, they had to listen to it. I’m not sure that was really removing the negative reinforcement so much as adding positive punishment, but either way, the rates decreased rapidly. The title of the article is “Evaluation of
extinction as a functional treatment for binge eating” and can be found here: http://csaweb105v.csa.com/ids70/view_record.php?id=1&recnum=0&log=from_res&SID=28270a2luf5s3jjvrn9grr7rb4&mark_id=search%3A1%3A0%2C0%2C1
Fortunately, something is coming into play that is going to help me balance the scales a little bit. Exercise. I’m starting to feel energized immediately following exercise. Since I often feel tired, it’s a pretty good reinforcement.
So, you might be all like “Ok, that’s nice.” But I wanted to lay down some groundwork before I got into this next article that I read when I woke up this morning.
There has been a fourteen year old boy taken from his mother because he weighs 555 pounds. As an obese person, I can sympathize. As an advocate for healthy children and parents, I cannot. Because there is more going on there than a lack of vegetables. BECAUSE of my behavioral background, I feel pretty damn sure that a large part of what is going on is that she doesn’t have the time, and so he’s very literally eating his emotions.
But it’s not okay. I mean, I struggle at over 300 pounds. I can’t imagine being 14 at 500+. I think it was right for them to take the child away. The mother works several jobs, and was given a warning and some time to start getting his weight under control. She has claimed she couldn’t afford anything. That in itself makes me sad.
Why, in America, can we not be proactive without a product? Does it just not occur to our consumer-driven minds? He should be out walking. Even if it’s just a couple of blocks to start.
I don’t think she should be charged with neglect. I think that going to jail for neglecting a child is really stupid and silly in many cases—but the judicial system is a whole new topic for someone else to blog about.
What I DO think is that they should both be entered in counseling, free access to a local pool for exercise that's gentle on the joints, and a couple of trips to the dietitician. The mother needs to learn how to say no, what proper eating looks like, and how to motivate her kid.
And the kid is getting to an age where he needs to take some responsibility for his actions. Which is rough, but he’ll feel better in the long run. If you want to read the article, head over to: http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=should_mom_of_555lb_boy_be_charged_with_neglect
As a psychology major with a likin’ for behaviorism, I can tell you it breaks down to a couple of things. I’ll define a couple of terms for you. Yeah, you’re getting educated. Learn to love it. Keep in mind, the examples are NOT going to be universal for everyone—they’re meant to clear it up a little.
Positive reinforcement: the addition of stimuli that increases the behavior immediately before it. (You put money in a vending machine. You push the buttons. You get your preferred treat. You are more likely to do this again the next time you are hungry.
Negative reinforcement: the removal of stimuli that decreases the behavior immediately before it. (You have a kid. The child is whining and whining about wanting something. You yell at the kid. The kid stops whining. You are now more likely to yell at the child.)
Positive Punishment—addition of a stimuli to decrease the behavior before. (A child is screaming. You smack them upside the back of the head. The addition of pain makes it less likely he’ll scream.)
Negative punishment—the removal of stimuli to decrease the behavior immediately before it. (You put your money in the vending machine. It gives you no food. You are less likely to use that vending machine.)
Now, there is WAY more to behaviorism than the things above. But those are some of the core concepts, and they are most effective when used consistently. Punishment is typically bad for learning productive behaviors, and reinforcement is typically the best way to learn new things.
So I’ve broken down some of my own behaviors regarding food. In a later post, I'll take some time and think up ways around these unhealthy habits.
1. I find comfort in food. It is something that has always been available to me, so when I’m uncertain about things, I eat.
2. There’s an immediate reinforcement when I eat. Ummm.. it tastes good.
3. Eating is something everyone does, so I use it as an excuse. If I’m at work, instead of just taking five minutes to myself and being like “Screw you,” I’ll typically eat something. They can’t get mad that I’m eating, right? Everybody eats!
4. I use food not only as a positive reinforcement, where it tastes good—I also use it as negative reinforcement. When I’m freaking out over something, I’ll eat because I don’t have to think about the negative things while I’m eating. There was a study done with bulimics where they were told to record their negative self thoughts on a recorder, and every time they went on a binge, they had to listen to it. I’m not sure that was really removing the negative reinforcement so much as adding positive punishment, but either way, the rates decreased rapidly. The title of the article is “Evaluation of
extinction as a functional treatment for binge eating” and can be found here: http://csaweb105v.csa.com/ids70/view_record.php?id=1&recnum=0&log=from_res&SID=28270a2luf5s3jjvrn9grr7rb4&mark_id=search%3A1%3A0%2C0%2C1
Fortunately, something is coming into play that is going to help me balance the scales a little bit. Exercise. I’m starting to feel energized immediately following exercise. Since I often feel tired, it’s a pretty good reinforcement.
So, you might be all like “Ok, that’s nice.” But I wanted to lay down some groundwork before I got into this next article that I read when I woke up this morning.
There has been a fourteen year old boy taken from his mother because he weighs 555 pounds. As an obese person, I can sympathize. As an advocate for healthy children and parents, I cannot. Because there is more going on there than a lack of vegetables. BECAUSE of my behavioral background, I feel pretty damn sure that a large part of what is going on is that she doesn’t have the time, and so he’s very literally eating his emotions.
But it’s not okay. I mean, I struggle at over 300 pounds. I can’t imagine being 14 at 500+. I think it was right for them to take the child away. The mother works several jobs, and was given a warning and some time to start getting his weight under control. She has claimed she couldn’t afford anything. That in itself makes me sad.
Why, in America, can we not be proactive without a product? Does it just not occur to our consumer-driven minds? He should be out walking. Even if it’s just a couple of blocks to start.
I don’t think she should be charged with neglect. I think that going to jail for neglecting a child is really stupid and silly in many cases—but the judicial system is a whole new topic for someone else to blog about.
What I DO think is that they should both be entered in counseling, free access to a local pool for exercise that's gentle on the joints, and a couple of trips to the dietitician. The mother needs to learn how to say no, what proper eating looks like, and how to motivate her kid.
And the kid is getting to an age where he needs to take some responsibility for his actions. Which is rough, but he’ll feel better in the long run. If you want to read the article, head over to: http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=should_mom_of_555lb_boy_be_charged_with_neglect
Friday, February 12, 2010
Adventures in Nutrition: Healthy Poppers
Sometimes, I like spicy foods. That little kick you get from something that’s spicy is just so satisfying! This week, I’m going to share two finds that are improved lifestyle friendly (ish).
As I peruse the hungry-girl website, I can’t help but be excited when I stumble upon a recipe for high fiber, low fat jalapeno poppers! I LOVE JALAPENO POPPERS! Gooey cheese, crispy coating, that zesty bite… Mmmm…. So when I saw a healthier recipe for these, I was all over it.
A brief jaunt to the store found me in my kitchen with my imaginary chef hat on. Neufchatel cheese? Check! Shredded, reduced fat cheddar? Check! Egg substitute and Fiber One? Check! Jalapenos? Check!
So, aside from being reminded that jalapeno really burns on open wounds, things went fairly well. You mix up the cheeses and put them in halves of jalapeno. From here, you dip them in egg substitute and then dip them in ground up Fiber One.
Everything went really well, til I ran out of Fiber One. I didn’t mind; I decided that I would just throw the two jalapenos with no coating in plain.
Waiting for these bad boys to cool down was agony. I just wanted one. As I bit down, I waited for the spicy kick and sinful indulgence of creamy cheesy goodness to hit my tongue. Instead, all I got was the sawdust taste of Fiber One, which overpowered the flavors of EVERYTHING else. Bleck! Maybe that one had too much coating. I tried a bite of one with less coating. Same result.
Please take note, people. Fiber One original is NOT actual food. It may appear to be so, but really, it is a mix of sawdust and cardboard.
The GOOD news is that sans Fiber One, the jalapenos with Neufchatel cheese and cheddar stuffing were REALLY good. Not quite a jalapeno popper, but still delicious. I’d make these again. If you wanna give it a try, head over to : http://www.hungry-girl.com/chew/chewdetails.php?isid=1014
The recipe calls for a lot of fat free stuff. Personally, I dislike fat free dairy immensely. 1% milk is as low as I’ll go. I grew up on whole milk, then two percent as an adolescent. Fat = creamy deliciousness.
As for the other thing… it requires absolutely no preparation other than opening the jar and counting out a serving size of chips. It’s “Pineapple Mango Chipotle Salsa” by Pace, and it’s really, really good. It’s sweet, but I found it to be just too spicy… Makes my mouth burn for a while after I eat it. The salsa itself is really low in calories and has no fat. I could eat it all day. Nom nom nom. If only I could convince myself it is dessert, maybe I could stay away from ice cream.
As I peruse the hungry-girl website, I can’t help but be excited when I stumble upon a recipe for high fiber, low fat jalapeno poppers! I LOVE JALAPENO POPPERS! Gooey cheese, crispy coating, that zesty bite… Mmmm…. So when I saw a healthier recipe for these, I was all over it.
A brief jaunt to the store found me in my kitchen with my imaginary chef hat on. Neufchatel cheese? Check! Shredded, reduced fat cheddar? Check! Egg substitute and Fiber One? Check! Jalapenos? Check!
So, aside from being reminded that jalapeno really burns on open wounds, things went fairly well. You mix up the cheeses and put them in halves of jalapeno. From here, you dip them in egg substitute and then dip them in ground up Fiber One.
Everything went really well, til I ran out of Fiber One. I didn’t mind; I decided that I would just throw the two jalapenos with no coating in plain.
Waiting for these bad boys to cool down was agony. I just wanted one. As I bit down, I waited for the spicy kick and sinful indulgence of creamy cheesy goodness to hit my tongue. Instead, all I got was the sawdust taste of Fiber One, which overpowered the flavors of EVERYTHING else. Bleck! Maybe that one had too much coating. I tried a bite of one with less coating. Same result.
Please take note, people. Fiber One original is NOT actual food. It may appear to be so, but really, it is a mix of sawdust and cardboard.
The GOOD news is that sans Fiber One, the jalapenos with Neufchatel cheese and cheddar stuffing were REALLY good. Not quite a jalapeno popper, but still delicious. I’d make these again. If you wanna give it a try, head over to : http://www.hungry-girl.com/chew/chewdetails.php?isid=1014
The recipe calls for a lot of fat free stuff. Personally, I dislike fat free dairy immensely. 1% milk is as low as I’ll go. I grew up on whole milk, then two percent as an adolescent. Fat = creamy deliciousness.
As for the other thing… it requires absolutely no preparation other than opening the jar and counting out a serving size of chips. It’s “Pineapple Mango Chipotle Salsa” by Pace, and it’s really, really good. It’s sweet, but I found it to be just too spicy… Makes my mouth burn for a while after I eat it. The salsa itself is really low in calories and has no fat. I could eat it all day. Nom nom nom. If only I could convince myself it is dessert, maybe I could stay away from ice cream.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Lowering my credit limit
Indecision is the thief of opportunity.
This isn’t so much because by not making a decision and working towards it all choices are taken, but by not making a choice, you lose opportunities.
Procrastination is a form of indecision. You are putting off the decision until later.
Dangerous territory.
I will eat better tomorrow. This week is blown; may as well start fresh next week. Only three more months to the new year… I’ll really change then, I will!
But… we don’t. I mean, who really sticks to their New Year’s resolution? Very few people.
And I’m guilty of this a lot. “I’ll start over tomorrow. Today doesn’t matter.”
And then I end up gorging on steak and pizza. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with either of those, but a 10 ounce steak and two slices of pizza in the same day is a bit much, in conjunction with all the other stuff I ate.
I have a list of goals for 2010. My answer to a New Year’s resolution. I made them and haven’t thought about more than two of them.
1. Study abroad in the Czech Republic
2. Receive my baccalaureate degree in psychology, minor in English
3. Lose 32 pounds (And I'm totally okay with meeting that by, oh, midsummer and reevaluating! It's 10% of my body weight)
4. Be able to complete 2 sets of 12 boy pushups
5. Get my driver's license
6. Watch a Broadway musical
I’ve been thinking about the Czech Republic a lot. How am I going to afford it? The answer is that I have to stay focused and save what I can when I can. I was thinking about this as I transferred money from my savings to my checking account.
“I’ll replace it later.”
I do that to myself ALL the time. “I’ll eat better tomorrow.” “I’ll exercise later tonight.” “I’ll repay myself next paycheck.”
So I sat down and budgeted enough money for me to get two drinks at Starbucks, go out to eat twice (once per week), devote some money to my hobbies, pay my bills, and put the rest in my savings account.
It occurred to me how often I borrow against myself. I justify expenses. This weekend, I spent $35 dollars that I didn’t budget for. So instead of puling more money out of my savings, I’m just not going to go to the bar for the next two weeks. Does it suck? Yeah. Will I appreciate buying beer more in Czech Republic? Hell yeah.
So I need to start focusing on my health in the same way. I hadn’t realized how far I extend my credit with myself until I started looking at my finances and the way I hemorrhage money over stupid stuff. I’m going to cling to the money in my savings and I’m going to work towards my goals.
P.S. If anyone would like to teach me how to park, it’d be invaluable towards that whole “Get my driver’s license thing.” Just throwin’ it out there.
This isn’t so much because by not making a decision and working towards it all choices are taken, but by not making a choice, you lose opportunities.
Procrastination is a form of indecision. You are putting off the decision until later.
Dangerous territory.
I will eat better tomorrow. This week is blown; may as well start fresh next week. Only three more months to the new year… I’ll really change then, I will!
But… we don’t. I mean, who really sticks to their New Year’s resolution? Very few people.
And I’m guilty of this a lot. “I’ll start over tomorrow. Today doesn’t matter.”
And then I end up gorging on steak and pizza. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with either of those, but a 10 ounce steak and two slices of pizza in the same day is a bit much, in conjunction with all the other stuff I ate.
I have a list of goals for 2010. My answer to a New Year’s resolution. I made them and haven’t thought about more than two of them.
1. Study abroad in the Czech Republic
2. Receive my baccalaureate degree in psychology, minor in English
3. Lose 32 pounds (And I'm totally okay with meeting that by, oh, midsummer and reevaluating! It's 10% of my body weight)
4. Be able to complete 2 sets of 12 boy pushups
5. Get my driver's license
6. Watch a Broadway musical
I’ve been thinking about the Czech Republic a lot. How am I going to afford it? The answer is that I have to stay focused and save what I can when I can. I was thinking about this as I transferred money from my savings to my checking account.
“I’ll replace it later.”
I do that to myself ALL the time. “I’ll eat better tomorrow.” “I’ll exercise later tonight.” “I’ll repay myself next paycheck.”
So I sat down and budgeted enough money for me to get two drinks at Starbucks, go out to eat twice (once per week), devote some money to my hobbies, pay my bills, and put the rest in my savings account.
It occurred to me how often I borrow against myself. I justify expenses. This weekend, I spent $35 dollars that I didn’t budget for. So instead of puling more money out of my savings, I’m just not going to go to the bar for the next two weeks. Does it suck? Yeah. Will I appreciate buying beer more in Czech Republic? Hell yeah.
So I need to start focusing on my health in the same way. I hadn’t realized how far I extend my credit with myself until I started looking at my finances and the way I hemorrhage money over stupid stuff. I’m going to cling to the money in my savings and I’m going to work towards my goals.
P.S. If anyone would like to teach me how to park, it’d be invaluable towards that whole “Get my driver’s license thing.” Just throwin’ it out there.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
So Why?
As you read my blog, you may be wondering “If she hates counting calories and eating vegetables and acquiring calluses on her butt, WHY is she doing this?”
Last night, as I went from the elliptical for twenty minutes to the rowing machine for ten, I asked myself the same question. I don’t like exercise yet. I don’t like being sore for a week before my muscles finally agree to work properly again. Am I really doing this for a NUMBER on a digital scale that I don’t like? And it’s not like the scale likes me, either. Am I avoiding emotional eating so I can one day, maybe, see a digital read out of one-something-something? Where my thigh met my butt was cramping, I had sweat in my love handles. If I’m just doing this for a number, I’m done.
Losing weight is hard freakin’ work. And I think about it all the time. I feel obsessed with food, which is interesting. I never felt obsessed with food before I started learning how to lose weight. But now? “Have I eaten few enough calories to have one more shot of vodka? I REALLY want this Reese’s, but have I eaten too much fat already today? I really should write my blog, but I haven’t exercised at all this week.”
TOO MUCH TROUBLE for a number, whether it’s weight, measurements, or a pants size. But that’s ok, because WEIGHT LOSS isn’t the goal. It’s the tool.
I went on a cruise with a friend. On our flight back up, we were supposed to sit together. It’d work out—she was thin, and I take up about 110% of a seat. So if I take a little bit of her seat, it doesn’t matter. Somehow, we got separated and I sat next to this Asian man. It was very uncomfortable, because I was very focused on keeping my legs together and my arms on my lap when he says “Maybe next time you should buy two seats.”
I recently went to Busch Gardens. An attendant came over to help strap me into a roller coaster. I deferred, and she persisted. Even called a friend over. The ride was delayed while two people took turns pushing on a harness and strapping me in.
I gave myself a pedicure this weekend. In order to paint my toes, I have to either 1.) hold my breath and paint as many as I can in one go or 2.) find a really weird position that should be taught in a yoga class. It’s usually a combination OF the two.
So why am I losing weight? I want to fit comfortably in my own airliner seat. I want to be able to sit in ANY seat on a roller coaster and not need assistance. To be able to paint my toes while breathing would be fantastic. I want the ability to do physical activities without feeling like I’m lagging behind, and not wonder if I’m going to break something by sitting on it.
The perfect weight is not 160, or 150, or 140. It’s the weight where I can do the things I want to do and not be limited by my own body.
Last night, as I went from the elliptical for twenty minutes to the rowing machine for ten, I asked myself the same question. I don’t like exercise yet. I don’t like being sore for a week before my muscles finally agree to work properly again. Am I really doing this for a NUMBER on a digital scale that I don’t like? And it’s not like the scale likes me, either. Am I avoiding emotional eating so I can one day, maybe, see a digital read out of one-something-something? Where my thigh met my butt was cramping, I had sweat in my love handles. If I’m just doing this for a number, I’m done.
Losing weight is hard freakin’ work. And I think about it all the time. I feel obsessed with food, which is interesting. I never felt obsessed with food before I started learning how to lose weight. But now? “Have I eaten few enough calories to have one more shot of vodka? I REALLY want this Reese’s, but have I eaten too much fat already today? I really should write my blog, but I haven’t exercised at all this week.”
TOO MUCH TROUBLE for a number, whether it’s weight, measurements, or a pants size. But that’s ok, because WEIGHT LOSS isn’t the goal. It’s the tool.
I went on a cruise with a friend. On our flight back up, we were supposed to sit together. It’d work out—she was thin, and I take up about 110% of a seat. So if I take a little bit of her seat, it doesn’t matter. Somehow, we got separated and I sat next to this Asian man. It was very uncomfortable, because I was very focused on keeping my legs together and my arms on my lap when he says “Maybe next time you should buy two seats.”
I recently went to Busch Gardens. An attendant came over to help strap me into a roller coaster. I deferred, and she persisted. Even called a friend over. The ride was delayed while two people took turns pushing on a harness and strapping me in.
I gave myself a pedicure this weekend. In order to paint my toes, I have to either 1.) hold my breath and paint as many as I can in one go or 2.) find a really weird position that should be taught in a yoga class. It’s usually a combination OF the two.
So why am I losing weight? I want to fit comfortably in my own airliner seat. I want to be able to sit in ANY seat on a roller coaster and not need assistance. To be able to paint my toes while breathing would be fantastic. I want the ability to do physical activities without feeling like I’m lagging behind, and not wonder if I’m going to break something by sitting on it.
The perfect weight is not 160, or 150, or 140. It’s the weight where I can do the things I want to do and not be limited by my own body.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Today, Tomorrow... Forever...
Weight loss is an exhausting, full time job. But can it really be anything else when I’ve spent twenty-one years accumulating bad habits?
It’s not even that I’m physically exhausting myself, though spinning certainly was. (No, I haven’t gone back yet. It’s on the to-do list. I’m considering using stationary bikes more often, so I can get some calluses on my butt cheeks, and thus endure less pain.) Doing simple addition isn’t that challenging either. “If I had an egg, which is 70 calories, and a glass of 1% milk, which is 110 calories, and a piece of toast…” I can do that. Especially since I use www.sparkpeople.com which has a really nifty calorie counter for me. Even the overly loving community members (“I ate 7,000 calories today! Bad me!” “No, you aren’t bad. I’m sure you’ll be within your 1,200-1,500 range tomorrow…”) themselves are what get to me.
I get to me.
No pun intended, but… The good ol’ US of A treats obesity like it’s an elephant in the room. And people who are obese do, too. What really gets me is all of these excuses we make up for ourselves. “It’s genetic.” “I’m big boned.” Please take a moment, and be honest. If to nobody else, than to yourself.
It’s you.
It’s… me.
And that’s the discouraging part. I already know most of the tricks. I haven’t figured out exactly how fat leaves the body, but it’s on my to-do list. The nutrition professor at school will get a visit from me soon.
But I mean, if I already know how to lose weight—10 minutes of exercise a day, eat between 1950-2300 calories—why am I not skinny already? To think that I have to be successful at exercising AND eating correctly most days for the rest of my life is terribly overwhelming. Looking up every single thing I eat is annoying—especially on days I mess up. But it’s not like failing to enter my food into my log is going to make me un-eat it. So when I look back at my log and see that I’ve eaten over 2300 calories by significant amount four out of the past six days, it’s just like… “Dammit. Am I ever going to get this right?”
I am a person who believes in behaviorism. So I know that behavior change is gradual. I know that with the proper set up, it will stick. And I have to believe that it will. Because the only thing that would be worse than weighing over three hundred pounds my entire adult life would be weighing over three hundred pounds for all of my adult life except for two. Two years of being fit would be worse.
I need to just plug away, and focus on today. And tomorrow. And not any further out than that. Because it’s the further out that gets me every time and makes each day a great day to not count calories or exercise.
So. I will forget about next week, and next month, and next year. I will focus on today. What can I do in the next twenty four hours to make my life a little better?
It’s not even that I’m physically exhausting myself, though spinning certainly was. (No, I haven’t gone back yet. It’s on the to-do list. I’m considering using stationary bikes more often, so I can get some calluses on my butt cheeks, and thus endure less pain.) Doing simple addition isn’t that challenging either. “If I had an egg, which is 70 calories, and a glass of 1% milk, which is 110 calories, and a piece of toast…” I can do that. Especially since I use www.sparkpeople.com which has a really nifty calorie counter for me. Even the overly loving community members (“I ate 7,000 calories today! Bad me!” “No, you aren’t bad. I’m sure you’ll be within your 1,200-1,500 range tomorrow…”) themselves are what get to me.
I get to me.
No pun intended, but… The good ol’ US of A treats obesity like it’s an elephant in the room. And people who are obese do, too. What really gets me is all of these excuses we make up for ourselves. “It’s genetic.” “I’m big boned.” Please take a moment, and be honest. If to nobody else, than to yourself.
It’s you.
It’s… me.
And that’s the discouraging part. I already know most of the tricks. I haven’t figured out exactly how fat leaves the body, but it’s on my to-do list. The nutrition professor at school will get a visit from me soon.
But I mean, if I already know how to lose weight—10 minutes of exercise a day, eat between 1950-2300 calories—why am I not skinny already? To think that I have to be successful at exercising AND eating correctly most days for the rest of my life is terribly overwhelming. Looking up every single thing I eat is annoying—especially on days I mess up. But it’s not like failing to enter my food into my log is going to make me un-eat it. So when I look back at my log and see that I’ve eaten over 2300 calories by significant amount four out of the past six days, it’s just like… “Dammit. Am I ever going to get this right?”
I am a person who believes in behaviorism. So I know that behavior change is gradual. I know that with the proper set up, it will stick. And I have to believe that it will. Because the only thing that would be worse than weighing over three hundred pounds my entire adult life would be weighing over three hundred pounds for all of my adult life except for two. Two years of being fit would be worse.
I need to just plug away, and focus on today. And tomorrow. And not any further out than that. Because it’s the further out that gets me every time and makes each day a great day to not count calories or exercise.
So. I will forget about next week, and next month, and next year. I will focus on today. What can I do in the next twenty four hours to make my life a little better?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Adventures in Fitness: Spinning
What with needing to lose 32 pounds as my first weight loss goal, I decided that I needed to get moving. Literally. Since I enjoy exercise classes and have some free time Friday nights, spinning seemed like a logical choice.
Passes for spinning are distributed at 6:30.
By six twenty nine, I was prepared and at the desk.
Student ID: Check.
Exercise outfit: Check.
Clean sneakers: Check.
Padded seat: Check.
For those of you who do not know what spinning is: it is hell on a stationary bike. You sit on a stationary bike and follow along with what the instructor says, whether she says “Stand and sprint” or “sit and recover.” I had not ridden a bike (stationary or otherwise) for any significant length of time in years. I figured it was going to be unpleasant. My friend was no help at all, talking about how intense it was going to be and how we were going to die… Thanks, Krys. Just the boost I needed to get me through the door.
“So, who here has never done spinning before?” The instructor looked quite fit. Actually… everyone in the room looked either fit or borderline anorexic. I am the first (but not the only) to raise my hand, and she comes over to help me set my bike up.
I couldn't help but notice that I’m the only one who brought a pad for my seat. It made me feel less hardcore. I mean, being 320 pounds and doing spinning is hardcore, right? But the seat seems to say “I can’t keep up with everyone here. I’m not as intense as you.”
When everyone was settled, she started the music. We hadn't started yet and my butt already hurt. It was not promising. I still had fifty five minutes to go— wait, what did she say? Did she ask if anyone would mind if we only went for forty five minutes? It was brilliant! The incredibly slender woman next to me complained about that being less calories she could drink that night, but I’d have agreed to anything that would have gotten me off of that instrument of torture sooner.
Ten minutes in and I wasn’t sure whether sitting or standing was worse. Sitting hurt my behind, and standing hurt everything else. I allowed myself to get off of the bike three times, giving myself a short break during which I marched in place.
Just because I couldn’t follow along doesn’t mean I let myself relax. Each time I got off I desperately wanted to walk out of the room. I didn’t, though. People would have seen. Worse, I would have been stuck with the knowledge I quit.
When all was said and done, my butt cheeks feel as though I sat atop a flight of roughly carpeted stairs and slid down them in a thong, then straddled a piece of splintered wood. My toes were numb and my feet were cramped.
I told myself I was proud as I limped out of the room, desperately trying to make my arms obey. Maybe tomorrow I’ll leave with a sense of “Go me!” Last Friday, all I left with was a wedgie that was visiting regions clothes should never go and arms so tired that I couldn’t quite reach it. Gotta start somewhere, right?
Passes for spinning are distributed at 6:30.
By six twenty nine, I was prepared and at the desk.
Student ID: Check.
Exercise outfit: Check.
Clean sneakers: Check.
Padded seat: Check.
For those of you who do not know what spinning is: it is hell on a stationary bike. You sit on a stationary bike and follow along with what the instructor says, whether she says “Stand and sprint” or “sit and recover.” I had not ridden a bike (stationary or otherwise) for any significant length of time in years. I figured it was going to be unpleasant. My friend was no help at all, talking about how intense it was going to be and how we were going to die… Thanks, Krys. Just the boost I needed to get me through the door.
“So, who here has never done spinning before?” The instructor looked quite fit. Actually… everyone in the room looked either fit or borderline anorexic. I am the first (but not the only) to raise my hand, and she comes over to help me set my bike up.
I couldn't help but notice that I’m the only one who brought a pad for my seat. It made me feel less hardcore. I mean, being 320 pounds and doing spinning is hardcore, right? But the seat seems to say “I can’t keep up with everyone here. I’m not as intense as you.”
When everyone was settled, she started the music. We hadn't started yet and my butt already hurt. It was not promising. I still had fifty five minutes to go— wait, what did she say? Did she ask if anyone would mind if we only went for forty five minutes? It was brilliant! The incredibly slender woman next to me complained about that being less calories she could drink that night, but I’d have agreed to anything that would have gotten me off of that instrument of torture sooner.
Ten minutes in and I wasn’t sure whether sitting or standing was worse. Sitting hurt my behind, and standing hurt everything else. I allowed myself to get off of the bike three times, giving myself a short break during which I marched in place.
Just because I couldn’t follow along doesn’t mean I let myself relax. Each time I got off I desperately wanted to walk out of the room. I didn’t, though. People would have seen. Worse, I would have been stuck with the knowledge I quit.
When all was said and done, my butt cheeks feel as though I sat atop a flight of roughly carpeted stairs and slid down them in a thong, then straddled a piece of splintered wood. My toes were numb and my feet were cramped.
I told myself I was proud as I limped out of the room, desperately trying to make my arms obey. Maybe tomorrow I’ll leave with a sense of “Go me!” Last Friday, all I left with was a wedgie that was visiting regions clothes should never go and arms so tired that I couldn’t quite reach it. Gotta start somewhere, right?
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Scale Induced Ice Cream
The scale has a sense of humor.
I’d decided I’d like to lose weight. Ten percent of my current body weight, in fact. It’s a good goal. I hadn’t weighed in yet, but I knew that I was looking at a minimal loss of 28 pounds. Maybe 30.
So I peed, washed my hands, stripped out of my clothes. Took the scale out from its hidey hole. Spent some time fidgeting, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, and then back again. Finally took a deep breath and stepped onto the scale. With supreme effort, I managed to avoid shifting while on the scale. Five seconds is a long time to wait.
The offensive number so blandly displayed in the little box couldn’t be right. I waited for a moment. Closed my eyes, opened them again. Yep, it definitely said 3-2-0. What?! That couldn’t be right. I laughed out loud, so that the scale knew I got the joke.
“But seriously. We’re going to try this again, scale. Give me the real answer this time.”
I stepped off. The digital numbers clear and I wait a few more seconds then climb back on. An even longer five seconds finds me at 320.2 pounds.
“Scale! I did NOT gain .2 pounds in ten seconds! Take it back!”
I snatched it up from the floor and put it back in its hidey hole. I had a sincere wish that it would rot, and then be forgotten, along with those horribly affronting numbers. 320.2 pounds indeed.
What’s a twenty one year old woman to do when she learns that she weighs 320.2 pounds? The answer is obvious—I needed to mull it over. Three minutes later I found myself on the couch with half a pint of Starbucks ® Java Chip ice cream and a fork.
Sometimes spoons aren’t sharp enough to cut through really hard ice cream, ya know?
Obviously, my mother was to blame. She didn’t teach me correct nutritional habits. Apparently I grew up on raw hot dogs—something she never stopped. I remember sneaking into the kitchen at night and stealing cookies. When my grandma would ask me what I was doing, I would hurriedly stuff it into my mouth and mumble “nothing” around crumbs. Or maybe my step-dad was to blame. There was a time I really wanted to play football, and he told me I wasn’t allowed to play if I didn’t run until I vomited. Really, running-until-puking doesn’t appeal to an overweight twelve year old. Maybe it was both of them, and the fact that when I was in high school we had fast food four nights out of seven, and I was left to cook for myself the nights we didn’t eat Wendy’s. Damn my parents!
I was filled with righteous anger at my parents as I ate that ice cream. About halfway through it, I stopped, and considered what I was doing. I was so angry at weighing over 300 pounds that I was—not exercising. Not journaling. Nope. I was eating ice cream. Maybe, at twenty one years old, I can’t really blame my parents any more. Maybe, at twenty one, I need to look at what I’m doing wrong.
So with one last bite and a deep sigh, I put the cap back on my ice cream and put it back in the freezer.
I’d decided I’d like to lose weight. Ten percent of my current body weight, in fact. It’s a good goal. I hadn’t weighed in yet, but I knew that I was looking at a minimal loss of 28 pounds. Maybe 30.
So I peed, washed my hands, stripped out of my clothes. Took the scale out from its hidey hole. Spent some time fidgeting, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, and then back again. Finally took a deep breath and stepped onto the scale. With supreme effort, I managed to avoid shifting while on the scale. Five seconds is a long time to wait.
The offensive number so blandly displayed in the little box couldn’t be right. I waited for a moment. Closed my eyes, opened them again. Yep, it definitely said 3-2-0. What?! That couldn’t be right. I laughed out loud, so that the scale knew I got the joke.
“But seriously. We’re going to try this again, scale. Give me the real answer this time.”
I stepped off. The digital numbers clear and I wait a few more seconds then climb back on. An even longer five seconds finds me at 320.2 pounds.
“Scale! I did NOT gain .2 pounds in ten seconds! Take it back!”
I snatched it up from the floor and put it back in its hidey hole. I had a sincere wish that it would rot, and then be forgotten, along with those horribly affronting numbers. 320.2 pounds indeed.
What’s a twenty one year old woman to do when she learns that she weighs 320.2 pounds? The answer is obvious—I needed to mull it over. Three minutes later I found myself on the couch with half a pint of Starbucks ® Java Chip ice cream and a fork.
Sometimes spoons aren’t sharp enough to cut through really hard ice cream, ya know?
Obviously, my mother was to blame. She didn’t teach me correct nutritional habits. Apparently I grew up on raw hot dogs—something she never stopped. I remember sneaking into the kitchen at night and stealing cookies. When my grandma would ask me what I was doing, I would hurriedly stuff it into my mouth and mumble “nothing” around crumbs. Or maybe my step-dad was to blame. There was a time I really wanted to play football, and he told me I wasn’t allowed to play if I didn’t run until I vomited. Really, running-until-puking doesn’t appeal to an overweight twelve year old. Maybe it was both of them, and the fact that when I was in high school we had fast food four nights out of seven, and I was left to cook for myself the nights we didn’t eat Wendy’s. Damn my parents!
I was filled with righteous anger at my parents as I ate that ice cream. About halfway through it, I stopped, and considered what I was doing. I was so angry at weighing over 300 pounds that I was—not exercising. Not journaling. Nope. I was eating ice cream. Maybe, at twenty one years old, I can’t really blame my parents any more. Maybe, at twenty one, I need to look at what I’m doing wrong.
So with one last bite and a deep sigh, I put the cap back on my ice cream and put it back in the freezer.
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